2026, Apr 11 - Adjusting ... and Improving

 Dearest Charlie,

Yesterday, I was invited to go with some of my new co-workers to Niagara Falls. At first, I was excited. Then I came to my senses. Two reasons.

One - I really need to stay focused on finding a place to live while I’m up here. And two—my knee is not cooperating. My joints are all inflamed, and the only thing I can blame is my current gourmet diet of ham sandwiches, chips, and soft drinks… with a splash of water so I can pretend I’m making good choices.

It’s showing up - In my joints. In my skin. Probably in my attitude too.

Once I get into my own place, I plan to return to eating like a civilized human being.

Until then… survival mode.

Now - even though I nixed the Niagara trip, I did manage to get out for a bit.  I was driving around, turned down a road just to see where it went, and ended up at Rushford (Caneadea) Dam Park.  It was a nice little spot.  I got out and walked… well, okay - limped… around for a few minutes and just relaxed. Nothing fancy. Just quiet. But I needed that.

In other news…

S and J are done. I’m sad for her… and not so sad for him. Honestly, I’m a little surprised it took this long for him to show his colors. She’s had her struggles, but she has worked hard—really hard—to get where she is.

He’s been emotionally supportive, I’ll give him that. But the minute he got a good job out of town, I guess he thought he could act a fool and not get caught. He forgot who he was dealing with. She’s got receipts.

Now she’s got to move forward, and I hate that I’m not there to help her through it. But she’s strong. She’ll figure it out.

Then there’s your baby… MJ2. Still in Oregon with her boyfriend. They’ve been there two months now, and he still hasn’t found a job. Every time I talk to her, they’re donating plasma to get by. 

That does not sit well with me.

She picked up a little job at Popeye’s, but it’s not enough to carry both of them. He needs to step up and start pulling his weight instead of letting her do it.

Mama is not impressed.

As for me…

I spent today running all over the place apartment hunting.

Last week, I looked at a little two-bedroom above a couple’s house on their farm. It definitely smells like country… and not the “fresh air and wildflowers” kind either.  But—it’s only 20 minutes from work and $1,200 a month, so suddenly I’m a lot more open-minded.  I tried to find something more private, but good luck with that. Even campers in campgrounds are running around $2,200 a month. For a camper. I don’t even want to know what comes with that price.

So… I called the farm lady back and told her I’d take it. Only catch - it won’t be available until April 22. Which brings me to my current situation…  I am back at the original hotel. But this time, I made friends. I talked to the manager, he called the owner, and they cut me a deal - $50 a night until my place is ready.

Now that… I can work with. So here I am. Roof over my head. Hot shower. TV. Soft bed. Washer and dryer. Honestly, I’ve had worse.

This whole work adventure hasn’t quite gone the way I imagined, but I’m adjusting. Improvising. Making it work. That seems to be my specialty these days.

Hopefully, once I get settled, I can start putting some money aside—maybe work toward another vehicle… maybe even a camper of my own one day.

(One that doesn’t cost $2,200 a month.)

I sure do wish you were here with me. You’d have a lot to say about all this.

I miss you.

I love you… muchly.

Me

2026, Apr 7 - Since I Arrived

Dearest Charlie,

I have arrived.

Well… technically, I got here Sunday evening and booked two nights at a place called Chaffee’s Lodge.

It’s… cute. In that “somebody tried” kind of way.

The room, the entire hotel, smelled like stale cigarette smoke and air freshener fighting for dominance. The furniture looked like it had all been picked up at different garage sales over the years - none of it matching, but all of it doing its job.

The owner (number four, apparently) told me a bit of the history. Built in 1961. The original owner had a restaurant and bar for her friends, then built the hotel so they wouldn’t have to drive home drunk.

Honestly… that tracks.

Either way - it was warm, I could shower, and I survived.

Monday was my first day at the jobsite. Orientation started at 7 a.m., and Charlie… it was a whole production.

First orientation with Wesson. Then another building for orientation with the company that hired me. Then off again for a physical and drug test.

And let me tell you - I have never been inspected so thoroughly in my life.

UA first. Then a nurse going over my medications like she was studying for a final exam. Range of motion, peripheral vision, regular vision, color test… and yes, I had to touch my toes. Then in with a doctor for even more questions and movement checks. And just when I thought I was done - nope.

Lift test.

Grip strength first, then lifting a box with increasing weight up to 50 pounds, making sure I knew how to do it “properly.” I passed… but I’m pretty sure they know more about my body now than I do.

After that, I grabbed my PPE and called it a day.

Went back to the hotel, washed some clothes, and rested.

Day two… I woke up to snow. Actual snow. It had snowed all night and froze my car doors shut. And this Louisiana girl? I was thrilled.

I carefully drove to work and stayed cozy inside while it snowed all day. At one point it was coming down sideways - which, of course, made me think of you.

“It’s raining sideways,” you’d say.

Well… now I’ve seen snow do it too.

After work, I moved to another place - Oakes Oramel Inn. Only booked one night since I didn’t know what I was getting into.  This one’s older too, but much smaller - only five rooms. Quiet. Cozy. About 15 minutes from the jobsite.

And just remote enough to make me wonder what all lives out there at night.

It’s fine. I’m fine. But I am officially ready to stop hotel hopping.

I want an apartment. A place where I can walk in, drop my stuff, and just be home. No hauling bags in and out. No wondering what the place is going to smell like when I open the door.

Just… mine.

Anyway, that’s life since I got here.

New job. New place. Snow. Motel roulette.

I sure do wish you were here to see all this with me.

You’d have plenty to say about these accommodations, I know that.

I miss you very much.

I love you.

Love,
Me

2026, Apr 4 - On the Road Again

Dearest Charlie,

Just a quick update since my last post.

As you know, I’m on my way to New York for this new job.

I stopped for a couple of days to visit Mom before heading on, which was nice. I needed that pause more than I realized.

I’ve been a little worried about my car the whole way, but she’s holding up. I’ve been checking the oil religiously, and so far I haven’t had to add any. That alone feels like a small victory.

And you are not going to believe this… Do you remember the AutoZone manager I dated before you? The one I dumped to be with you? Well, I ran into him today. Turns out he moved to Georgia and lives about ten minutes from Mom.

We stood there and talked for a bit, catching up on life, and I have to tell you - I was shocked at how much he remembered. Details from our very first meeting… things from our dates… from over 30 years ago!

Thirty years, Charlie.

I could not believe it.

Funny how life circles back around sometimes.

Anyway, after all that, I made a long stretch on the road today. I had planned to stay at one of the state parks, but everything looked booked up. So… Mom stepped in and got me a hotel room for the night.

I didn’t argue.  I will have to remember to stop and check these places out on the return trip home.

I’ll finish the last leg of the trip tomorrow and start work on Monday.

And here’s the part that’s got me a little spun up…

They’re expecting me to have housing lined up by Monday afternoon, and I just don’t see how that’s going to happen. So now I’m scrambling- looking at cheaper options, maybe a state park bunkhouse, maybe even a primitive campsite if it comes down to it.

Which, by the way… Did you know there are bears in New York? Because apparently there are. I don’t know why I thought they were just an “out west” thing, but now I’m over here considering camping and also wondering if I’m about to get eaten.

I swear, I feel like I’m losing my mind a little bit lately.  But underneath all of that…I’m also excited. And nervous. And trying to walk into this new job like I know what I’m doing - even though I don’t always feel like I do.

But I’m going anyway.  I drove all the way up here for it.  So, I’ll figure it out.  You know I always do.

I just wish you were here to talk me through it… or remind me that I’ve got this, even when I don’t feel like it.

I miss you muchly and Love you always,

Me 

2026, Apr 3 - Since Mar 29

 Dearest Charlie,

I figured I’d sit down and catch you up on everything that’s been going on since March 29.

It’s been… a lot. Not one big thing, just a bunch of moving parts all at once.

I left Louisiana and started heading toward New York for this job. I didn’t rush it - I broke the trip up so I wouldn’t push myself or the car too hard. I made it to Dallas, Georgia and stayed a couple of nights to rest before going any further.

Traveling like this by myself is… different. Quiet. Lots of time to think. Lots of time to talk to you in my head. I’ve had to figure things out as I go - money, gas, where I’m stopping, how far I can make it. A few people helped me along the way, which I’m really thankful for. A tank of gas here, a little cash there. Just enough to keep me moving. 

But I’m not gonna lie… I wish you were here.  Even just to sit in the passenger seat. Or be on the phone with me helping me think through things like you always did.

There’s been some stress - mostly about money and making sure I land on my feet when I get up there. I found a little furnished cottage in Ellicottville. It’s about a 30–45 minute drive to the job site, which doesn’t bother me. What did make me stop and think was the cost - $2,000 a month and a $2,000 deposit.

That’s a lot. More than I was expecting. So I’ve been trying to figure out what makes sense… what I can handle… what I’m willing to risk. At the same time, I’ve been dealing with all the other stuff - onboarding paperwork, insurance issues, prescriptions, and my knee acting up at the worst times.

Come to find out, my health insurance doesn’t even cover me out of state. That one hit me sideways. So now I’ve got to be extra careful and have some kind of plan if something goes wrong. It just feels like a lot of details all at once. But… I’m handling it. Not perfectly. But I’m doing it.

And I’ve had a few moments where I just stopped and thought, “Charlie would know exactly what to do here.” You always did. You had a way of making things feel simple… manageable.

I miss that.

I miss you.

But I’ll tell you this - I’m doing it.

I’m making the decisions. I’m figuring things out. I’m moving forward even when I don’t feel 100% sure about any of it. I don’t always feel strong… but I guess I am. So that’s where I am right now. Kind of in between. Not settled. Not certain. Just… moving.

And hoping this next step turns into something good.

I wish you were here to see it.

Love you,
Me

2026, Mar 29 - Steady Through the Shift – Sunday Reset

 My Dearest Charlie,

Today felt like a mix of quiet, normal, and just a little bit of that “this is really happening” feeling underneath it all.

I went to church this morning - for the first time in a while. Why did I wait so long?  Well, because I'd been working that turnaround, ya know.  Anyway, it was Youth Sunday, so the young people led the whole service. There was something about it that felt fresh and honest. Not polished, but real. I think you would’ve liked that.  It reminded me of when the girls were younger.

It’s also Passover Sunday, so we had communion - The Lord’s Supper. That part slowed everything down for me. Gave me a moment to sit still and just take it in.

After church, I was hungry - hungry hungry - so I stopped at Dairy Queen and got some chicken tenders before heading home. Yes, I had leftovers in the fridge from game night with Alex… and yes, I could have waited.

But I was hongry. So chicken tenders it was.

I got home, laid down, and took a nap. Woke up… hongry again… and ate the leftovers anyway. So apparently today was sponsored by food and naps.

After that, I played on my phone a little while before finally getting up and tackling some more housework and decluttering.

And Charlie… I have SO MUCH to do before I leave Thursday.

It’s starting to settle in - not in a panicked way, but in that quiet “how is all of this going to get done?” kind of way. I know I’m going to have to trust that LB and Dana can handle things here.

I do worry about LB being here alone all weekend. That part sits in the back of my mind.  But I can't do anything about it other than try to reassure her that everything will be okay.

Up until now, I’ve mostly just felt excited about this opportunity. The worry hasn’t really had much space yet. But I can feel it starting to show up - little things like the car, the distance, all the moving pieces.

Also - my left knee is really bothering me today. Bad enough that I can feel it running up my IT band and into my hip. Thank goodness I’ve got that appointment with Kasey tomorrow to massage it out. I may just have her focus on that left leg and nothing else.

Still… I think if I take my time and space the drive out over a few days, I’ll be alright.

That seems to be where I am right now—doing what I can, trusting the rest, and just taking it one step at a time.

 How would you feel about me printing you out and making a Flat Charlie companion for the trip?  It may be silly but I'd feel a little like I'd have you there to share the trip with. I miss you in the ordinary parts of days like this. The church service, the drive, even something as simple as stopping for food - I still think often about what it would be like if you were there with me. 

But I’m okay.

Really, I am.

Just moving forward… steady.

Love you always,
Me

2026, Mar 28 - Steady Through the Shift

 Dear Charlie,

Everything lately feels like it’s shifting - but not in a chaotic way. More like the ground moving just enough to remind me I’m not standing still anymore. And somehow, in the middle of all that, I feel steady.

It’s been a full stretch of days since March 22. The kind where life doesn’t just move forward—it shifts under your feet a little.

I think the biggest thing… I’m getting ready to leave. Temporarily.

I’ve got a job lined up in New York with Barnhart Energy. It looks like it’ll be about eight months. That still feels strange to say out loud. Me… going that far, that long, alone.

Part of me is excited. Part of me is nervous. And part of me is just… steady. Like this is something I’m supposed to do.

But I sure wish you were here to share it with.

I’ve been trying to figure out the logistics of it all - whether to drive my little car with all those miles on it or fly and figure things out once I get there. Our mechanic, Brian (you remember him?), basically gave me that look… the one that says, “I wouldn’t push it.” So I’m weighing it all out carefully.

You’d probably tell me not to be stubborn about that.

I even walked into the bank to see about rolling my small loan into something bigger - just to give myself a cushion for the move. Left my name. Still waiting to hear from them.

Health-wise, I’ve been looking at my labs and my medications. Nothing scary, but enough to make me pay attention. I told them flat out - I don’t want to go on a statin. I’d rather handle things another way if I can. You know me… I’ll try to do it the natural way first, even in the middle of a big life change.

I’ve also been thinking ahead about how to manage everything while I’m gone - my prescriptions, my CPAP, all the little things that don’t seem like much until you’re 1,000 miles from home.

I tried DoorDashing for a minute - just to see if it was worth it. Made a little money, but not enough for the miles I put on the car. It reminded me that not every opportunity is a good one, even if it looks easy on the surface.

I got my tax summary pulled together and sent off to the CPA. That felt good - like closing a loop, even if I’m still going to owe a chunk in the end.

And then there was today… today was different.

I went to a memorial service with Dana. I went for her. That was my whole reason. She was stressed knowing Thomas would be there with his new girlfriend. The service was for his mother, Linda - her birthday, actually. She would have been 75.

Dana had a hard time. She couldn’t stop watching them - him and Angie - holding hands through the service. You could see it weighing on her.

But then something unexpected happened. Thomas hugged Dana. Not just a quick hug - a long one. And he told her they would talk later.

I don’t know what that means. Maybe nothing. Maybe something. But it sure stirred things up in her.

I just stayed beside her. That’s all I could do. Just be there.

I think you would’ve been proud of how I handled that. I didn’t get pulled into it. I didn’t try to fix anything. I just stood steady for her.

That seems to be the theme right now… steady.

Even with everything changing, everything uncertain - I feel more grounded than I expected to.

I miss you in moments like this. In the decisions. In the quiet drives. In the “what would Charlie say” thoughts that still come up.

But I also feel like… I’m doing okay.

Maybe even better than okay.

Just taking it one step at a time.

Loving and missing you always,
Me

2026, Mar 22 - A Full Day, Start to Finish

Dearest Charlie,

After a night alone, I got up fairly early and drove over to Covington to have breakfast with my brother.  I really hate these nights alone.  But what can I do?  Heck I even re-did a dating profile, for all of 24 hours.  Deleted that thing already.  Anyway, back to the day.

My brother and I met up at Abita Roasting Company. I ordered a chai latte and eggs Benedict. It was nice - simple, easy conversation, nothing rushed.

After breakfast, we went to church at New Beginnings. It was a good service. Today was kids’ service day, so many of the children were filling the usual adult roles - greeting, opening prayer, even helping with worship. It was sweet to watch.

After church, we went back to my brother’s house and visited for a bit. He told me his dog Scamp has been aging, but I wasn’t prepared for how much he’s declined. It caught me off guard. Then he reminded me - Scamp is about 15 years old. For a dog, that’s a long life. A good one.

We also spent some time going through some of Daddy’s notes and journals. My brother is going to make copies for me. I’d like to gather everything and put together a small book for each of us kids. I think that would mean a lot.

Later, we went to the Pelican Park Bark Park so his other little dog "Little Bit" could roam around and sniff everything in sight. Then, we took a drive along the Mandeville lakefront. We had talked about riding bikes, but my knee was bothering me, so we opted for a drive instead.  I'll try the bike ride another time.

Still nice.

We went back to his house for a bit, and then I headed home. I haven’t done much since.

Last night, I downloaded DoorDash, thinking I might try to get out and make a little extra money. But today… I just wasn’t quite brave enough to take that first order.

Maybe when the bank account gets a little lower, I’ll find that courage.

So, that was my day.

I’m about to take a shower and head to bed. I’ve got to be at Alliance Safety Council in the morning for my BOP refresher before it expires at the end of the month.

Oh—and my supervisor texted early this morning. She said she put my name in for a job at Westlake.

So… here’s hoping something gets scheduled soon.

I miss you muchly.

Love you always,
Me