2026, Apr 19 - A Quiet Day

 Dearest Charlie,

Today wasn’t very exciting.

I spent my first night in my “new-to-me” apartment and woke up to snow.  Snow… in the middle of April. Thankfully it didn’t stick, so tomorrow’s drive to work shouldn’t be too bad.

I spent most of the day just laying around, getting used to the place. It was quiet. Really quiet.

For breakfast, I had two bowls of Raisin Bran and a banana—so I’m basically a health guru now.

Snacked later on pretzel thins and hummus, watched a movie, and took a nap.  Then I got up and actually cooked a real dinner—chicken and bacon skewers with green beans and mashed potatoes. I felt pretty proud of that.

I started watching Cabrini and now I’m thinking about taking a shower and getting ready for tomorrow. I still need to figure out lunch—leftovers or a turkey wrap. Big decisions.

And that’s about it. Quiet day. The phone didn’t ring at all… except for MJ2 calling to borrow more money.

I don’t know what to do about that, Charlie. I can’t keep sending money… but I also don’t want to see her out on the streets. I think next time she calls, I’m going to tell her I won’t send money—but I will send a plane ticket for her to come home.

We’ll see how that goes.

Anyway…

That was my day.

I miss you.

Love you,

Me

2026, Apr 18 - Not Coincidence

 Dearest Charlie,

So… about my journey.  There are some things happening right now that I just don’t believe are coincidence.

First - Barnhart =  They called me out of the blue to offer me this job. I had applied months ago, heard nothing, and assumed I’d been passed over. So when they called, I couldn’t even remember what I had applied for.  That should’ve been my first clue.

Anyway, I said yes, packed up, and headed to New York—questioning my sanity the entire way and wondering if I was making a huge mistake.  Then I got here.

Went through orientation… and the very first thing they introduced was the Barnhart Purpose:

To glorify God by developing and empowering people for meaningful work, personal growth, and eternal impact.

And their mission: one team, leading from the front, creating good works.

I just sat there like… okay, Lord, I hear You.

Second - Cody = My coworker.  He is a strong Christian, solid and kind.  The other day, right there in the office, he felt led to pray for me. Took my hands and prayed over me. And it wasn’t awkward or forced.  It was just right.

And here’s the funny part ...

We end up talking a lot about bodywork - massage versus physical therapy, muscles, attachments, insertions… all of it.  Come to find out, he went to school in Texas and got his degree in Fitness and Human Performance and he became a personal trainer. 

So now we’re sitting there in a safety office… talking about muscles and movement like we’re back in a clinic somewhere.  Isn’t that something?

I leave massage therapy to focus on safety… and end up sharing an office with a former physical therapist and personal trainer - who is now the site safety manager.

Life is strange.

Third - this apartment =  When I first reached out, it was already rented.

Then, out of nowhere, about a week and a half later, the landlord contacted me and said the arrangement fell through and asked if I was still interested. Of course I said yes.  And today… I moved in.

Right next door to a Presbyterian church.

Now you tell me that’s coincidence.  Because I can’t.

On top of all that… I feel safe here.

Even my social anxiety hasn’t been nearly as bad. I don’t feel judged. My coworkers already feel like family.

It’s… refreshing. Peaceful, even.

So since my last post, I’ve mostly just been working and getting into the swing of things.

Come Monday, I’ll be on my own. Justin is going to show me how to run an HSE report, and then it’s basically sink or swim. We’ll see how that goes.

Kristi - my trainer - headed back to Tennessee today. We had a little going-away gathering for her last night. A few of us went out to eat, then hit a couple of bars.

And me? I called it a night around 9:30. Because… I’m old. Said my goodnights and went to my hotel room like a responsible adult.

This morning, I packed up from the hotel and moved into the apartment. Got here around noon and spent the afternoon getting settled.

Drove around town a bit, then made a run about 20 miles out to Aldi.  I was only going in for a few things. I ended up spending $98 and came out with GROCERIES.  So apparently I’m living large now. I’m going to have to rein that in if I plan on saving any money.

Tonight is my first night here.  It’s quiet.

Very quiet.

I haven’t figured out how to work the TV yet, so I’m using my laptop for entertainment like it’s 2005. I’ll call the landlord tomorrow and have her walk me through it.

I had tentative plans to go sightseeing tomorrow - there are a few quirky little spots around here - but it’s supposed to be cold and rainy.  And after all of my activity today, my knee hurts like it's filing a formal complaint.  So… I may just stay home and have a do-nothing day.  That actually sounds pretty good.

Anyway… that’s where things stand.  A lot of moving pieces.  But also… a lot of peace.

And I can’t explain that any other way than God.

I sure do miss you.

Love you always,
Me

2026, Apr 13 - A Better Afternoon

 Dearest Charlie,

I'm sorry didn’t write yesterday. My left leg was hurting too much, and I just didn’t have it in me. But… I did have a really good afternoon.

I went over to Letchworth State Park.  Charlie, it is beautiful.  I never imagined seeing something like that up here. The birds, the waterfalls, the sound of the water, and that mist rising up when you look down over the edge… I stood there for a while just taking it all in.

And of course, I thought of you. I wish you could’ve been there with me. I know you would’ve loved it.

I drove the entire length of the park, hoping to get a look at the camping area, but it was closed. I guess it’s still off-season.  But as soon as it opens… I’m going back.

I’m going to camp there a night or two. And with as many state parks as there are around here, I won’t run out of places to explore anytime soon.

In other news…

S and J are still on the outs.  Her heart is broken… and he’s still a jerk. I can already hear you telling me to stay out of it. And I am—mostly. I’m just trying to be there for her while she works through it. She’s going to be okay.  She's strong.

As for me… I changed my mind about that country apartment. It smelled a little too much like “country” for my liking anyway. I found another place in a neighboring town—within walking distance of antique shops and restaurants. Now that feels more like me.

And get this—it’s a three-bedroom. Plenty of space for family to come visit. And it’s only $1,000 a month. So not only do I get a better location… I get to keep a few more dollars in my pocket. I’ll take that win.

Oh—and one more thing… My work laptop and phone finally came in.  So now I can actually get started working.  And I think… I’m going to like this job.

Today started rough… but it turned out to be a pretty good day.

I just wish you were here to see all of this with me.

I miss you.

I love you.

Me

2026, Apr 11 - Adjusting ... and Improving

 Dearest Charlie,

Yesterday, I was invited to go with some of my new co-workers to Niagara Falls. At first, I was excited. Then I came to my senses. Two reasons.

One - I really need to stay focused on finding a place to live while I’m up here. And two—my knee is not cooperating. My joints are all inflamed, and the only thing I can blame is my current gourmet diet of ham sandwiches, chips, and soft drinks… with a splash of water so I can pretend I’m making good choices.

It’s showing up - In my joints. In my skin. Probably in my attitude too.

Once I get into my own place, I plan to return to eating like a civilized human being.

Until then… survival mode.

Now - even though I nixed the Niagara trip, I did manage to get out for a bit.  I was driving around, turned down a road just to see where it went, and ended up at Rushford (Caneadea) Dam Park.  It was a nice little spot.  I got out and walked… well, okay - limped… around for a few minutes and just relaxed. Nothing fancy. Just quiet. But I needed that.

In other news…

S and J are done. I’m sad for her… and not so sad for him. Honestly, I’m a little surprised it took this long for him to show his colors. She’s had her struggles, but she has worked hard—really hard—to get where she is.

He’s been emotionally supportive, I’ll give him that. But the minute he got a good job out of town, I guess he thought he could act a fool and not get caught. He forgot who he was dealing with. She’s got receipts.

Now she’s got to move forward, and I hate that I’m not there to help her through it. But she’s strong. She’ll figure it out.

Then there’s your baby… MJ2. Still in Oregon with her boyfriend. They’ve been there two months now, and he still hasn’t found a job. Every time I talk to her, they’re donating plasma to get by. 

That does not sit well with me.

She picked up a little job at Popeye’s, but it’s not enough to carry both of them. He needs to step up and start pulling his weight instead of letting her do it.

Mama is not impressed.

As for me…

I spent today running all over the place apartment hunting.

Last week, I looked at a little two-bedroom above a couple’s house on their farm. It definitely smells like country… and not the “fresh air and wildflowers” kind either.  But—it’s only 20 minutes from work and $1,200 a month, so suddenly I’m a lot more open-minded.  I tried to find something more private, but good luck with that. Even campers in campgrounds are running around $2,200 a month. For a camper. I don’t even want to know what comes with that price.

So… I called the farm lady back and told her I’d take it. Only catch - it won’t be available until April 22. Which brings me to my current situation…  I am back at the original hotel. But this time, I made friends. I talked to the manager, he called the owner, and they cut me a deal - $50 a night until my place is ready.

Now that… I can work with. So here I am. Roof over my head. Hot shower. TV. Soft bed. Washer and dryer. Honestly, I’ve had worse.

This whole work adventure hasn’t quite gone the way I imagined, but I’m adjusting. Improvising. Making it work. That seems to be my specialty these days.

Hopefully, once I get settled, I can start putting some money aside—maybe work toward another vehicle… maybe even a camper of my own one day.

(One that doesn’t cost $2,200 a month.)

I sure do wish you were here with me. You’d have a lot to say about all this.

I miss you.

I love you… muchly.

Me

2026, Apr 7 - Since I Arrived

Dearest Charlie,

I have arrived.

Well… technically, I got here Sunday evening and booked two nights at a place called Chaffee’s Lodge.

It’s… cute. In that “somebody tried” kind of way.

The room, the entire hotel, smelled like stale cigarette smoke and air freshener fighting for dominance. The furniture looked like it had all been picked up at different garage sales over the years - none of it matching, but all of it doing its job.

The owner (number four, apparently) told me a bit of the history. Built in 1961. The original owner had a restaurant and bar for her friends, then built the hotel so they wouldn’t have to drive home drunk.

Honestly… that tracks.

Either way - it was warm, I could shower, and I survived.

Monday was my first day at the jobsite. Orientation started at 7 a.m., and Charlie… it was a whole production.

First orientation with Wesson. Then another building for orientation with the company that hired me. Then off again for a physical and drug test.

And let me tell you - I have never been inspected so thoroughly in my life.

UA first. Then a nurse going over my medications like she was studying for a final exam. Range of motion, peripheral vision, regular vision, color test… and yes, I had to touch my toes. Then in with a doctor for even more questions and movement checks. And just when I thought I was done - nope.

Lift test.

Grip strength first, then lifting a box with increasing weight up to 50 pounds, making sure I knew how to do it “properly.” I passed… but I’m pretty sure they know more about my body now than I do.

After that, I grabbed my PPE and called it a day.

Went back to the hotel, washed some clothes, and rested.

Day two… I woke up to snow. Actual snow. It had snowed all night and froze my car doors shut. And this Louisiana girl? I was thrilled.

I carefully drove to work and stayed cozy inside while it snowed all day. At one point it was coming down sideways - which, of course, made me think of you.

“It’s raining sideways,” you’d say.

Well… now I’ve seen snow do it too.

After work, I moved to another place - Oakes Oramel Inn. Only booked one night since I didn’t know what I was getting into.  This one’s older too, but much smaller - only five rooms. Quiet. Cozy. About 15 minutes from the jobsite.

And just remote enough to make me wonder what all lives out there at night.

It’s fine. I’m fine. But I am officially ready to stop hotel hopping.

I want an apartment. A place where I can walk in, drop my stuff, and just be home. No hauling bags in and out. No wondering what the place is going to smell like when I open the door.

Just… mine.

Anyway, that’s life since I got here.

New job. New place. Snow. Motel roulette.

I sure do wish you were here to see all this with me.

You’d have plenty to say about these accommodations, I know that.

I miss you very much.

I love you.

Love,
Me

2026, Apr 4 - On the Road Again

Dearest Charlie,

Just a quick update since my last post.

As you know, I’m on my way to New York for this new job.

I stopped for a couple of days to visit Mom before heading on, which was nice. I needed that pause more than I realized.

I’ve been a little worried about my car the whole way, but she’s holding up. I’ve been checking the oil religiously, and so far I haven’t had to add any. That alone feels like a small victory.

And you are not going to believe this… Do you remember the AutoZone manager I dated before you? The one I dumped to be with you? Well, I ran into him today. Turns out he moved to Georgia and lives about ten minutes from Mom.

We stood there and talked for a bit, catching up on life, and I have to tell you - I was shocked at how much he remembered. Details from our very first meeting… things from our dates… from over 30 years ago!

Thirty years, Charlie.

I could not believe it.

Funny how life circles back around sometimes.

Anyway, after all that, I made a long stretch on the road today. I had planned to stay at one of the state parks, but everything looked booked up. So… Mom stepped in and got me a hotel room for the night.

I didn’t argue.  I will have to remember to stop and check these places out on the return trip home.

I’ll finish the last leg of the trip tomorrow and start work on Monday.

And here’s the part that’s got me a little spun up…

They’re expecting me to have housing lined up by Monday afternoon, and I just don’t see how that’s going to happen. So now I’m scrambling- looking at cheaper options, maybe a state park bunkhouse, maybe even a primitive campsite if it comes down to it.

Which, by the way… Did you know there are bears in New York? Because apparently there are. I don’t know why I thought they were just an “out west” thing, but now I’m over here considering camping and also wondering if I’m about to get eaten.

I swear, I feel like I’m losing my mind a little bit lately.  But underneath all of that…I’m also excited. And nervous. And trying to walk into this new job like I know what I’m doing - even though I don’t always feel like I do.

But I’m going anyway.  I drove all the way up here for it.  So, I’ll figure it out.  You know I always do.

I just wish you were here to talk me through it… or remind me that I’ve got this, even when I don’t feel like it.

I miss you muchly and Love you always,

Me 

2026, Apr 3 - Since Mar 29

 Dearest Charlie,

I figured I’d sit down and catch you up on everything that’s been going on since March 29.

It’s been… a lot. Not one big thing, just a bunch of moving parts all at once.

I left Louisiana and started heading toward New York for this job. I didn’t rush it - I broke the trip up so I wouldn’t push myself or the car too hard. I made it to Dallas, Georgia and stayed a couple of nights to rest before going any further.

Traveling like this by myself is… different. Quiet. Lots of time to think. Lots of time to talk to you in my head. I’ve had to figure things out as I go - money, gas, where I’m stopping, how far I can make it. A few people helped me along the way, which I’m really thankful for. A tank of gas here, a little cash there. Just enough to keep me moving. 

But I’m not gonna lie… I wish you were here.  Even just to sit in the passenger seat. Or be on the phone with me helping me think through things like you always did.

There’s been some stress - mostly about money and making sure I land on my feet when I get up there. I found a little furnished cottage in Ellicottville. It’s about a 30–45 minute drive to the job site, which doesn’t bother me. What did make me stop and think was the cost - $2,000 a month and a $2,000 deposit.

That’s a lot. More than I was expecting. So I’ve been trying to figure out what makes sense… what I can handle… what I’m willing to risk. At the same time, I’ve been dealing with all the other stuff - onboarding paperwork, insurance issues, prescriptions, and my knee acting up at the worst times.

Come to find out, my health insurance doesn’t even cover me out of state. That one hit me sideways. So now I’ve got to be extra careful and have some kind of plan if something goes wrong. It just feels like a lot of details all at once. But… I’m handling it. Not perfectly. But I’m doing it.

And I’ve had a few moments where I just stopped and thought, “Charlie would know exactly what to do here.” You always did. You had a way of making things feel simple… manageable.

I miss that.

I miss you.

But I’ll tell you this - I’m doing it.

I’m making the decisions. I’m figuring things out. I’m moving forward even when I don’t feel 100% sure about any of it. I don’t always feel strong… but I guess I am. So that’s where I am right now. Kind of in between. Not settled. Not certain. Just… moving.

And hoping this next step turns into something good.

I wish you were here to see it.

Love you,
Me