Dearest Dahlin',
Good grief... where has the time gone? I didn't realize it had been this long since I wrote. I guess that's what happens when life settles into a routine. The days just sort of run together.
Since I last wrote, Barnhart flew me over to Michigan to pick up a company truck. Now tell me... who would've ever thought I'd be flying to another state just to pick up a pickup truck? Certainly not me.
The drive back was nice. I kept seeing little places that made me think, "Ooh... I need to stop there." I even pulled into one of them. Then common sense kicked in. I was tired, still had a good drive ahead of me, so I decided it'd still be there another weekend.
One thing I'm learning is that I don't have to see everything at once. I'm here for a while.
This weekend I got another wild hair and decided to head southeast just to see what I could find. First stop was a little nature center over in Portville. Then I made my way toward Olean to knock out an Adventure Lab.
Well... Before I got there, I stumbled onto a little festival. You know me. If I see a festival, I'm stopping. So I parked and wandered around. There were little craft booths, food vendors, folks milling around, and somebody singing.
Bless their heart. Some people are called to sing. Some people are called to listen. These folks probably should've stayed in the listening category. Anyway...
I am almost embarrassed to admit how long it took me to realize what kind of festival I'd wandered into. You'd think all the rainbow shirts and decorations would've been my first clue. Nope.
I was halfway through looking at handmade soaps and candles before it finally dawned on me. "Cynthia... You're at a Pride festival." I just stood there and laughed at myself. Sometimes I'm just a little slow on the uptake. But I had a nice time anyway. Walked around a little, people watched, then got back in the truck and headed on my way.
That's kind of how this whole New York adventure has gone. I set out looking for one thing... ...and end up finding something completely different.
Now...
There's something else I wanted to tell you. I've been dreaming about you again.
Some really strange dreams.
Last night's dream has stayed with me all day. I dreamed that you had faked your own death. For eight years.
Eight years!
And somehow everybody knew about it except me and the girls. You'd moved in with another woman. Y'all had two more babies. Your whole family knew!
Nobody told us.
Charlie...
I was devastated. I remember crying and asking over and over, "How could you do this to us?" Not because you had died... But because in my dream... ...you chose somebody else.
It took me several minutes after I woke up to convince myself it wasn't real. Then reality hit. You didn't leave me for somebody else. You didn't start another family. You're just... Gone.
And somehow that hurt even worse. Funny how the mind works. It can sure play some cruel tricks while we're asleep.
I think about you every day. Some days are easier than others. And then there are days like today when a silly dream can leave a bruise on your heart that hangs around all day long.
Anyway... That's about all that's been going on around here. I'm still taking my little road trips. Still finding places to explore. Still wishing you were riding shotgun beside me.
I miss you tremendously, my sweet man.
Love,
Me
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