Hey honey. Just wanted to give you an update on what happened last weekend. I was down. Way down. Laid crying in bed for 5 days down. Father's Day was hard. None of your older 4 called us. None of them checked on the girls. I wanted to do a special video for you for Father's Day but M2 said, "What's the point? He's DEAD!". That hurt. We finally ended up doing a video and I posted it but not for Father's Day.
As you know, my birthday was right after that. I turned 51 Charlie. Remember last year? Remember when I was so depressed because I couldn't do what I wanted to for my 50th birthday? Well, it happened again this year. I didn't get to take the trip I wanted. NONE of the kids remembered my birthday. NONE of them sent me a card or said anything to me. It's just another day I guess.
I have a friend. A guy friend. If you can call him that. Actually, I think YOU would call him a worm. And the more I get to know this friend, I have to say that I agree with you. He IS a worm. BUT THIS WORM remembered my birthday and made it special for a few minutes. He cooked dinner for me, he gave me a card, he bought me a cake!!, and gave me a dozen roses. All of it was really meaningless, of course, because he was just trying to be nice but it was more than any of the kids did for me. Soooo, that was my birthday. Happy Birthday to me.
The rest of the week has been a roller coaster of emotions. Up and Down. I went to see Dr. K the other day. I've been having some stomach issues for a while. I thought it was digestive. Turns out that's not what it is at all. His tech did an ultrasound of my girly parts and found a cyst on the cervix. When the probe hit the cyst, welllll, allllll those stomach pains immediately flared up. OUCH! He didn't even do a biopsy of it. He said he was gonna watch it and see what it does. Maybe it'll go away but the pains I've had have been going on for 2 years, so maybe it won't go away. I dunno.
He did adjust my Buspirone from 7.5 mg to 15 mg. That's helped with all my non-functionality and the crying jags. I can actually get out of bed and get stuff done now. I've been working in the yard. Your sister and her husband (GT) have helped a LOT with hauling off the junk and tearing down the sheds. I'm so glad they did because I have no idea what I would have done without them!
Yesterday, I mowed the grass, front and back yards. I managed to get a rope tangled around the blades of the mower and had to get daddy to help me flip it so I could get to the blades and untangle the rope. Once I got that done, I was able to finish the yard. I cut the grass really close in hopes that I won't have to mow again so soon. I have 2 burn piles ready to go but am scared to burn anything right now due to it being so dry. I might go ahead and start one tonight though as long as I can sit there with the hose ready. Otherwise, I might start hauling stuff across the street little by little so it can just rot.
Tonight, I'll start purging the utility room. There's so much junk collected all over the house that I just don't know what I'm gonna do with it all! I suppose I can take pics and post it online but that seems to be more trouble than it's worth. I guess I'll take some time to look at Ebay or Craigslist and see what's going on there.
I'm also trying to figure out what to do with your remains. I wasn't ready to let go of you earlier this year, but maybe I am now. At least a little of you. I need to get a plane ticket and go to Alaska to fish with Tracy. I need to sprinkle you in the Alaskan Gulf where you enjoyed spending your time with your son. I need to sprinkle you in the bayou behind the house, and at the deer stand. I need to go to the Gulf of Mexico and sprinkle some of you there. Maybe send some of you off for some pretty bead necklaces for the girls. Then, I need to put the rest of you somewhere. I was thinking of putting you in the vault with your parents and get your military marker added to theirs. You know, take you home. If I can't do that, then I may look at a mausoleum in Denham. I still need to do some research but I'm not going to get it all done today.
I love you and miss you tremendously my Love. My knight in shining armor. My Wasp Slayer. (Remember that? You were so funny!) Tremendously is not even a big enough word for how much I miss you. I miss you from the depths of my soul.
Me
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