Hey baby. Here's your video.
Loving Can Hurt
Mar 29, 2018
Mar 28, 2018
2018, Mar 28 - The 7th week
Hey honey,
Tomorrow will be 7 weeks since your funeral. Only 7 weeks? Why does it feel like so much longer!? It feels like it's been forever!
On Monday, I laid in bed all morning until it was time to get up and take the girls to their choir practice. I didn't do anything Monday morning.
Tuesday, I had an appointment scheduled to see an attorney about the property and titles etc. I went into Denham and got some breakfast at James Grill. Then went out to the truck and realized I had locked the keys in the thing. So, I had to call AAA for roadside assistance. I pulled the card out and the membership was expired, so I had to renew it on the spot. I had to reschedule my attorney's appointment and then I met Samantha at Walmart to look at flip phones for the girls. When I left Walmart, I began feeling lightheaded. Since I was driving, I thought it might be a good idea to go to the ER to get checked out. The doctor said he wished his labwork was as good as mine. He told me there was nothing wrong with me and that it was in my head. Apparently, I'm not crying over you enough. He told me to go home and take it easy, or I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown. I wonder what one of those looks like?
Wednesday, I left the house early and went to my widow's support group. I don't like that group. I'm the youngest one there and I feel overwhelmed everytime I go. I'm not going next week.
After the meeting, I helped Destry out with some music for Choir, met the new pastor (BTW, I don't like him ... yet). Then I went to get the girls from school for their orthodontist appointment. We arrived at the appointment 1/2 hour early, so all of us took a nap in the parking lot. Then I took M2 to her guitar lesson, followed by choir practice and stuff at church.
Well, that's about it. I was able to come home and get a couple of things done. I'm collecting your baseball caps and putting them in a plastic tote. And the same for toys in the girls rooms. I haven't gotten around to your clothing yet. It's going to take me a little while.
I miss you so much. I miss your smell, your arms, the feel of you in the bed, your smart ass remarks to me. I especially miss your getting up in the morning and making your coffee. I miss going to breakfast with you and tagging along on the job rides with you. I miss everything about us. I feel so lost. I love you. I hope you know how much I love you.
Me.
Tomorrow will be 7 weeks since your funeral. Only 7 weeks? Why does it feel like so much longer!? It feels like it's been forever!
On Monday, I laid in bed all morning until it was time to get up and take the girls to their choir practice. I didn't do anything Monday morning.
Tuesday, I had an appointment scheduled to see an attorney about the property and titles etc. I went into Denham and got some breakfast at James Grill. Then went out to the truck and realized I had locked the keys in the thing. So, I had to call AAA for roadside assistance. I pulled the card out and the membership was expired, so I had to renew it on the spot. I had to reschedule my attorney's appointment and then I met Samantha at Walmart to look at flip phones for the girls. When I left Walmart, I began feeling lightheaded. Since I was driving, I thought it might be a good idea to go to the ER to get checked out. The doctor said he wished his labwork was as good as mine. He told me there was nothing wrong with me and that it was in my head. Apparently, I'm not crying over you enough. He told me to go home and take it easy, or I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown. I wonder what one of those looks like?
Wednesday, I left the house early and went to my widow's support group. I don't like that group. I'm the youngest one there and I feel overwhelmed everytime I go. I'm not going next week.
After the meeting, I helped Destry out with some music for Choir, met the new pastor (BTW, I don't like him ... yet). Then I went to get the girls from school for their orthodontist appointment. We arrived at the appointment 1/2 hour early, so all of us took a nap in the parking lot. Then I took M2 to her guitar lesson, followed by choir practice and stuff at church.
Well, that's about it. I was able to come home and get a couple of things done. I'm collecting your baseball caps and putting them in a plastic tote. And the same for toys in the girls rooms. I haven't gotten around to your clothing yet. It's going to take me a little while.
I miss you so much. I miss your smell, your arms, the feel of you in the bed, your smart ass remarks to me. I especially miss your getting up in the morning and making your coffee. I miss going to breakfast with you and tagging along on the job rides with you. I miss everything about us. I feel so lost. I love you. I hope you know how much I love you.
Me.
Mar 26, 2018
2018, Mar 24/25 - Clean Up Day and Church
Hey Honey,
It's me again. I just wanted to give you an update and let you know what was going on here at the house. Gary came over and did some more cleaning around here. He loaded up the 4th 16 ft trailer up with scrap metal. He also emptied out that silver 8x10 storage shed. There is now a good size burn pile in the back. I'm just waiting on a still day with no wind before I light it up.
He also took the tractor over to the big shed and quickly knocked it down. It fell right over with the entire roof intact! Then he spent an hour out there picking the roofing nails out and peeling that old barn tin off the top. The back yard is looking good!
There are still a few things left for Letgo.com or Facebook marketplace. I listed your old table saw, chop saw, pressure washer, the girls old bicycles, and the propane burner with crawfish pots. So far, I still have everything here. I didn't realize it was gonna rain so bad and I didn't want people coming to look at this stuff and having to walk through the mud.
It's me again. I just wanted to give you an update and let you know what was going on here at the house. Gary came over and did some more cleaning around here. He loaded up the 4th 16 ft trailer up with scrap metal. He also emptied out that silver 8x10 storage shed. There is now a good size burn pile in the back. I'm just waiting on a still day with no wind before I light it up.
He also took the tractor over to the big shed and quickly knocked it down. It fell right over with the entire roof intact! Then he spent an hour out there picking the roofing nails out and peeling that old barn tin off the top. The back yard is looking good!
There are still a few things left for Letgo.com or Facebook marketplace. I listed your old table saw, chop saw, pressure washer, the girls old bicycles, and the propane burner with crawfish pots. So far, I still have everything here. I didn't realize it was gonna rain so bad and I didn't want people coming to look at this stuff and having to walk through the mud.
Speaking of mud, Gary is getting in touch with someone to get some material hauled in for the driveway. That thing just will NOT dry up! So, he's gonna see about getting some large rock hauled in to make a foundation for the other stuff needed. Hopefully, there will be an actual driveway by the end of May.
We had church today, as usual, but had the annual Hot Dog/Hamburger lunch followed by the Easter Egg hunt for the kids afterwards. I stayed until nearly 2 p.m. I wish you were here to talk to. I have so many questions.
I love and miss you so much!
Me.
Mar 24, 2018
2018, Mar 23 - Way Off Broadway
Hey babe.
I just wanted to share a little about my day today.
I started out with an appointment to a succession attorney. He told me a few things, and I liked what I heard, but I still have another appointment next week to see another one. If what he says doesn't mesh with the first one, I might go for a third just to hear what the difference is. Anyway, so far, the first one says it's not going to be a big deal.
Then, I called a CPA regarding the taxes that you kept saying you were going to take care of. They told me to gather all the papers up, W2's and such, and wait until May to take care of it. So, Okay, that's what I'm going to do.
I had my dance lesson at 2, followed by a quick trip home to get the girls, and then straight to the theatre for their performances. I dropped them off for the rehearsal part and raced back home to get M1's glasses. She swore she'd left them in the bathroom at home on the counter. But they weren't there. So, I finally looked in all the nooks and crannies in the truck and there they were in the truck!
I got back to the theatre and parked. Then went in to find my seat. I expected some others to show up for the show and to see our beautiful daughters perform tonight, but it was just me there. Samantha and Kyle had to work. It was their first time to perform with out you there tonight. I made sure to tell the girls how proud I was of them and how strong and brave they are to get up there and perform like they did.
I was depressed and upset that no one had come to see the girls. I went to the truck, fully intending to come straight home, take a hot shower, have a good hard cry, and plot my revenge. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, my phone rang. It was Samantha, calling from her job at the hotel. She told me a gentleman had come to the hotel and they began talking. He lost his wife of 38 years in October. She told him about you and about the hard time I'd been having. He gave her his business card, telling her to have me call him if I wanted to talk. Well, I needed to vent, so I called right then. When he told me his name, I nearly slammed on my brakes in the middle of the road! He was the former best friend of my ex-husband George!!!! They'd met when George joined the Army National Guard! He’d lost touch with George after high school and didn’t know we’d ever gotten married and divorced. I told him, “Hang on. I’m about to drop a bomb on ya.” and then told him who I was. I told him I was on my way home from this production and when I got my girls settled, I would call him right back.
Then, Charlie, we had the most amazing 2 1/2 hour conversation about everything under the sun, INCLUDING you and his wife Emma. It felt SO GOOD to talk about you! I looked at my clock and told him how long we’d been talking and he said, “I’ve enjoyed every second of it!” and asked if he could call me back in a couple of days. Of course, my answer was a resounding YES!! I hope that's okay.
Did I cry last night? Yes, but it was tears of shared happy memories with a new widow brother! Now, I wonder if you and Emma had something to do with this! Hmmm?
The wind has been blowing quite a bit today and your windchime has been going crazy. I've felt you near by as Gary and I worked around here. We loaded up another 16 foot trailer with scarp iron and finally got the shed in the back torn down. It's looking really good around here now. I'm sorry that you couldn't finish your projects and stuff. I wish you could have, especially the motor home.
I love and miss you so much Charlie. I am always looking for signs from you.
Love you,
Me
I just wanted to share a little about my day today.
I started out with an appointment to a succession attorney. He told me a few things, and I liked what I heard, but I still have another appointment next week to see another one. If what he says doesn't mesh with the first one, I might go for a third just to hear what the difference is. Anyway, so far, the first one says it's not going to be a big deal.
Then, I called a CPA regarding the taxes that you kept saying you were going to take care of. They told me to gather all the papers up, W2's and such, and wait until May to take care of it. So, Okay, that's what I'm going to do.
I had my dance lesson at 2, followed by a quick trip home to get the girls, and then straight to the theatre for their performances. I dropped them off for the rehearsal part and raced back home to get M1's glasses. She swore she'd left them in the bathroom at home on the counter. But they weren't there. So, I finally looked in all the nooks and crannies in the truck and there they were in the truck!
I got back to the theatre and parked. Then went in to find my seat. I expected some others to show up for the show and to see our beautiful daughters perform tonight, but it was just me there. Samantha and Kyle had to work. It was their first time to perform with out you there tonight. I made sure to tell the girls how proud I was of them and how strong and brave they are to get up there and perform like they did.
I was depressed and upset that no one had come to see the girls. I went to the truck, fully intending to come straight home, take a hot shower, have a good hard cry, and plot my revenge. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, my phone rang. It was Samantha, calling from her job at the hotel. She told me a gentleman had come to the hotel and they began talking. He lost his wife of 38 years in October. She told him about you and about the hard time I'd been having. He gave her his business card, telling her to have me call him if I wanted to talk. Well, I needed to vent, so I called right then. When he told me his name, I nearly slammed on my brakes in the middle of the road! He was the former best friend of my ex-husband George!!!! They'd met when George joined the Army National Guard! He’d lost touch with George after high school and didn’t know we’d ever gotten married and divorced. I told him, “Hang on. I’m about to drop a bomb on ya.” and then told him who I was. I told him I was on my way home from this production and when I got my girls settled, I would call him right back.
Then, Charlie, we had the most amazing 2 1/2 hour conversation about everything under the sun, INCLUDING you and his wife Emma. It felt SO GOOD to talk about you! I looked at my clock and told him how long we’d been talking and he said, “I’ve enjoyed every second of it!” and asked if he could call me back in a couple of days. Of course, my answer was a resounding YES!! I hope that's okay.
Did I cry last night? Yes, but it was tears of shared happy memories with a new widow brother! Now, I wonder if you and Emma had something to do with this! Hmmm?
The wind has been blowing quite a bit today and your windchime has been going crazy. I've felt you near by as Gary and I worked around here. We loaded up another 16 foot trailer with scarp iron and finally got the shed in the back torn down. It's looking really good around here now. I'm sorry that you couldn't finish your projects and stuff. I wish you could have, especially the motor home.
I love and miss you so much Charlie. I am always looking for signs from you.
Love you,
Me
Mar 22, 2018
2018, Mar 22 - Here again
Hey babe -
Not much going on today. I started out missing you bunches this morning. Took M2 to the theatre and dropped her off for her first performance of "Way Off Broadway". Then went to work out and started crying on the treadmill. Something there reminded me of you. I can't remember what it was now. I only did 1/2 hour on the treadmill today. Then I worked upper body weights, some back, and some abs. I didn't have it in me to do another 30 on the treadmill.
Then, I went to the library to print out some music, followed by going to the theatre to pick up M2. I had to wait a long time because she wasn't finished yet. Finally, she came out and we were able to run home to grab piano music bags. Then we had to get back to town to get M1. She waited patiently while M2 ran into the library before her lesson.
Got them to piano lessons, I took a nap in the truck, and then at 5:15p we went back to the theatre. Tonight ran a little differently than this ore. Man, I'm tired.
I had anxiety/panic attacks several times today. It was driving me crazy! Finally, around 1:30 or so, I realized what was going on. I'm having these panic attacks because you aren't here! It's the girls first major performances since you've passed. You won't be in the audience like you were before. You won't be with us tomorrow night. You will be missed tremendously.
Oh, I got a letter from the Eye Bank. You'll be pleased to know that one of your beautiful baby blues was transplanted into another person. The other one was sent for research. I have instructions in the letter that say I can write a letter to the recipient and enclose a couple of pictures of you. I think I will do that. I'm glad to know that a part of you is still here. Maybe one day I'll meet the recipient.
I'm thankful that I have friends, old and new, to text, talk to, keep me safe and to listen to me. I'm so tired tonight and tomorrow is another long day.
Well, I guess that's about all I've done today. Much of it was just sitting in the truck waiting for the girls. I couldn't go too far away because, well, because I didn't want to. So, I'm signing off for now. I love you!
Me.
Not much going on today. I started out missing you bunches this morning. Took M2 to the theatre and dropped her off for her first performance of "Way Off Broadway". Then went to work out and started crying on the treadmill. Something there reminded me of you. I can't remember what it was now. I only did 1/2 hour on the treadmill today. Then I worked upper body weights, some back, and some abs. I didn't have it in me to do another 30 on the treadmill.
Then, I went to the library to print out some music, followed by going to the theatre to pick up M2. I had to wait a long time because she wasn't finished yet. Finally, she came out and we were able to run home to grab piano music bags. Then we had to get back to town to get M1. She waited patiently while M2 ran into the library before her lesson.
Got them to piano lessons, I took a nap in the truck, and then at 5:15p we went back to the theatre. Tonight ran a little differently than this ore. Man, I'm tired.
I had anxiety/panic attacks several times today. It was driving me crazy! Finally, around 1:30 or so, I realized what was going on. I'm having these panic attacks because you aren't here! It's the girls first major performances since you've passed. You won't be in the audience like you were before. You won't be with us tomorrow night. You will be missed tremendously.
Oh, I got a letter from the Eye Bank. You'll be pleased to know that one of your beautiful baby blues was transplanted into another person. The other one was sent for research. I have instructions in the letter that say I can write a letter to the recipient and enclose a couple of pictures of you. I think I will do that. I'm glad to know that a part of you is still here. Maybe one day I'll meet the recipient.
I'm thankful that I have friends, old and new, to text, talk to, keep me safe and to listen to me. I'm so tired tonight and tomorrow is another long day.
Well, I guess that's about all I've done today. Much of it was just sitting in the truck waiting for the girls. I couldn't go too far away because, well, because I didn't want to. So, I'm signing off for now. I love you!
Me.
Mar 21, 2018
2018, Mar 21 - Going through the motions
Hey babe.
I don't even know where to start with this one today. I got up this morning and took a shower and cried until the water ran cold. I miss you so much! Then I got dressed and headed to church. The widow's group I'm in was having a meeting. I learned a lot while I was there.
Then, I went to lunch all by myself at Chicken Salad Chick. I ate too much.
After that, I went to my ball room dance lesson in Hammond. Then, I came home for a few minutes. Gary was here, and had been here all day, doing some more scrap metal and junk collecting. He said he might be able to come back out tomorrow or Friday to do some more. I won't be able to be here though because I have to do all the all day running with the girls due to the school play.
So, we left and I went to drop M2 at the play practice. Then M1 and I wen to church for our evening activities. At 8:30 I went to get M2 and come home. That's about it. Nothing real exciting to see here. Just a lonely widow missing her husband.
Love you,
Me.
I don't even know where to start with this one today. I got up this morning and took a shower and cried until the water ran cold. I miss you so much! Then I got dressed and headed to church. The widow's group I'm in was having a meeting. I learned a lot while I was there.
Then, I went to lunch all by myself at Chicken Salad Chick. I ate too much.
After that, I went to my ball room dance lesson in Hammond. Then, I came home for a few minutes. Gary was here, and had been here all day, doing some more scrap metal and junk collecting. He said he might be able to come back out tomorrow or Friday to do some more. I won't be able to be here though because I have to do all the all day running with the girls due to the school play.
So, we left and I went to drop M2 at the play practice. Then M1 and I wen to church for our evening activities. At 8:30 I went to get M2 and come home. That's about it. Nothing real exciting to see here. Just a lonely widow missing her husband.
Love you,
Me.
Mar 20, 2018
2018, Mar 20 - Rehearsals
Hey babe,
It's that time of year again. The time you didn't really care for. You remember? The times the girls had these late night rehearsals and you were so gung ho about them getting into bed before 9 because they had school the next morning. Yeah, that time of year again. I hope you can hear them singing up in heaven. M2 really blew me away tonight! You'd be so proud of her!
On a sad note though, they're really beginning to get snooty with me. I hate to be the mean guy, but I cannot take their snarky remarks when I try to give them some constructive criticism. I hope it's just a phase. Maybe they'll get over it.
On Sunday, I went to church as usual, and played a special. Remember when I played that jazzy "Just A Closer Walk" for you? How much you enjoyed it? Well, that's what I played on Sunday. It seemed to go over well but only a few people said anything to me about it. Maybe they didn't like it as much as I thought they would.
After church, the girls and I went to eat at LeFleur's on the Lake. It was my second time there. I remember when you and I went and how we weren't real impressed with it. Well, I'm even more unimpressed now. I won't be going back. Then the girls and I came home and I took a nice long nap before having to get up and go back to church for the evening activities.
On Monday, I got up and went to work out at the gym up the road. I know how you hated the idea of paying for a membership but I really need it. I'm doing pretty good there too! I worked out for over an hour! I walked on the treadmill for 1 hour. Walked 2.5 miles at 3 mph and a 3% incline! My heart rate stayed at 130. According to the calorie calculator, I burned 335 calories! Then, I used the weight machines to work on my legs and butt. Then the little manager guy walked me through some ab exercises. Oh My Gosh! That HURTS! But I did better than I thought I would! I did 30 reps of everything so I really impressed myself!
Following that workout, I went to lunch for a grilled shrimp salad at G&J's, then out to Hammond for a dance lesson. Shane showed up a 1/2 hour late. I got a free dance lesson! I didn't learn anything new. We just went through the motions. I'm getting better at it and actually look halfway decent in the ball room mirror!
Later that evening, we had the LPCC AND the Talented Drama rehearsals. I had to leave M2 at the Theater for drama rehearsals and take M1 to Watson for LPCC rehearsals. I'm thankful the girls have been and are healthy right now!
Well, Hunny, I guess that's it for now. I love you bunches and miss you tremendously. I sure wish you were here.
Me.
It's that time of year again. The time you didn't really care for. You remember? The times the girls had these late night rehearsals and you were so gung ho about them getting into bed before 9 because they had school the next morning. Yeah, that time of year again. I hope you can hear them singing up in heaven. M2 really blew me away tonight! You'd be so proud of her!
On a sad note though, they're really beginning to get snooty with me. I hate to be the mean guy, but I cannot take their snarky remarks when I try to give them some constructive criticism. I hope it's just a phase. Maybe they'll get over it.
On Sunday, I went to church as usual, and played a special. Remember when I played that jazzy "Just A Closer Walk" for you? How much you enjoyed it? Well, that's what I played on Sunday. It seemed to go over well but only a few people said anything to me about it. Maybe they didn't like it as much as I thought they would.
After church, the girls and I went to eat at LeFleur's on the Lake. It was my second time there. I remember when you and I went and how we weren't real impressed with it. Well, I'm even more unimpressed now. I won't be going back. Then the girls and I came home and I took a nice long nap before having to get up and go back to church for the evening activities.
On Monday, I got up and went to work out at the gym up the road. I know how you hated the idea of paying for a membership but I really need it. I'm doing pretty good there too! I worked out for over an hour! I walked on the treadmill for 1 hour. Walked 2.5 miles at 3 mph and a 3% incline! My heart rate stayed at 130. According to the calorie calculator, I burned 335 calories! Then, I used the weight machines to work on my legs and butt. Then the little manager guy walked me through some ab exercises. Oh My Gosh! That HURTS! But I did better than I thought I would! I did 30 reps of everything so I really impressed myself!
Following that workout, I went to lunch for a grilled shrimp salad at G&J's, then out to Hammond for a dance lesson. Shane showed up a 1/2 hour late. I got a free dance lesson! I didn't learn anything new. We just went through the motions. I'm getting better at it and actually look halfway decent in the ball room mirror!
Later that evening, we had the LPCC AND the Talented Drama rehearsals. I had to leave M2 at the Theater for drama rehearsals and take M1 to Watson for LPCC rehearsals. I'm thankful the girls have been and are healthy right now!
Well, Hunny, I guess that's it for now. I love you bunches and miss you tremendously. I sure wish you were here.
Me.
Mar 17, 2018
2018, Mar 17 - St. Patty's Day
Hey babe,
Gosh. Where do I start? Your daughters have been on the warpath today! And I REWARDED them with hair cuts! Arrgghh! I'm FAILING as a single parent! I NEED you here with me!
Lemme back up. First of all, I couldn't sleep a wink last night. I went to bed at a reasonable hour, but did not go to sleep until appx 4:30 a.m. The girls had a hair appointment scheduled for 9:30 in the morning. Well, apparently, I forgot to set the alarm, and a bird woke me up at 8:45 a.m. Was that you? I never looked to see if it was a cardinal. I just know it was chirping loudly. (I also know it wasn't you. It was simply a bird.)
I got up, hollered for the girls, and off we went; stopping first at the Chevron up the road to see Dad and refill his everlovin' pill box. (insert eye roll) Then, we were off for the hair dresser.
M1 decided to go shorter than short for her hair style. It looks really cute on her, but she'll need some girly tops to really pull off this look. M2 went for a long layer and looks much older than her 12 years. Why can't my hair be like that again? Ugh. So frustrating.
We went and had lunch at Chicken Salad Chick, which is now my new obsession. I really should buy a franchise or something. That place is hoppin' everytime I go in there!
After that, we went to the Family Dollar store for some more plastic bins. When we got home, I started boxing up some Stuffed Animals, Toys, Bags, Barbie, American Girl (she gets a bin to herself!), and Books. All in all, I'd say it was a good start to getting around to decluttering the place!
And speaking of decluttering, I listed a few things on the internet. I got a call from someone wanting that swimming pool ladder. So, I hauled it off to her nearby and got $30 which I then took to the grocery store and got some dinner for me and the girls.
I got an 8 pc count of fried chicken, some mashed potatoes, and some other groceries. Got in the truck to come home and had a panic attack of the 8 pc count of chicken! It's the stupidest little thing but it got very overwhelming for a few minutes there while I panicked over whether or not 8 pcs was enough! I should have gotten more, maybe, to put away for lunch tomorrow or something. I started crying right there in the parking lot over a stinking order of chicken! What the heck is wrong with me? I called Dana and she talked me down so I was okay after just a few minutes and came on home. But REALLY?
God, how I miss you. I'm so scared for what the future holds for me and the girls. What if I meet someone else? What if that person hurts me? What about the girls? What if they aren't what they portray themselves as? I'm scared. I wish you were still here so I wouldn't have to feel all these feelings. Maybe I shouldn't even entertain the idea of the future yet. Maybe I should stay single. I wish you were here. I love you so much!
Me.
Gosh. Where do I start? Your daughters have been on the warpath today! And I REWARDED them with hair cuts! Arrgghh! I'm FAILING as a single parent! I NEED you here with me!
Lemme back up. First of all, I couldn't sleep a wink last night. I went to bed at a reasonable hour, but did not go to sleep until appx 4:30 a.m. The girls had a hair appointment scheduled for 9:30 in the morning. Well, apparently, I forgot to set the alarm, and a bird woke me up at 8:45 a.m. Was that you? I never looked to see if it was a cardinal. I just know it was chirping loudly. (I also know it wasn't you. It was simply a bird.)
I got up, hollered for the girls, and off we went; stopping first at the Chevron up the road to see Dad and refill his everlovin' pill box. (insert eye roll) Then, we were off for the hair dresser.
M1 decided to go shorter than short for her hair style. It looks really cute on her, but she'll need some girly tops to really pull off this look. M2 went for a long layer and looks much older than her 12 years. Why can't my hair be like that again? Ugh. So frustrating.
We went and had lunch at Chicken Salad Chick, which is now my new obsession. I really should buy a franchise or something. That place is hoppin' everytime I go in there!
After that, we went to the Family Dollar store for some more plastic bins. When we got home, I started boxing up some Stuffed Animals, Toys, Bags, Barbie, American Girl (she gets a bin to herself!), and Books. All in all, I'd say it was a good start to getting around to decluttering the place!
And speaking of decluttering, I listed a few things on the internet. I got a call from someone wanting that swimming pool ladder. So, I hauled it off to her nearby and got $30 which I then took to the grocery store and got some dinner for me and the girls.
I got an 8 pc count of fried chicken, some mashed potatoes, and some other groceries. Got in the truck to come home and had a panic attack of the 8 pc count of chicken! It's the stupidest little thing but it got very overwhelming for a few minutes there while I panicked over whether or not 8 pcs was enough! I should have gotten more, maybe, to put away for lunch tomorrow or something. I started crying right there in the parking lot over a stinking order of chicken! What the heck is wrong with me? I called Dana and she talked me down so I was okay after just a few minutes and came on home. But REALLY?
God, how I miss you. I'm so scared for what the future holds for me and the girls. What if I meet someone else? What if that person hurts me? What about the girls? What if they aren't what they portray themselves as? I'm scared. I wish you were still here so I wouldn't have to feel all these feelings. Maybe I shouldn't even entertain the idea of the future yet. Maybe I should stay single. I wish you were here. I love you so much!
Me.
Mar 16, 2018
2018, Mar 16 - Friday
Hey baby.
Yesterday was 6 weeks hunny. Six weeks since you last wrapped your arms around me in a bear hug. Six weeks since I drove you to that job in Lafayette. Six weeks since we had our last meal together in Mel's Diner. Our last date.
I cannot believe that time has flown by so quickly. I feel like it was just yesterday! I'm so lonesome without you here. I miss you so stinkin' much! Your smile. Your laugh. Your smell. Your everything! I miss you!
I went to see my counselor today. He told me that he wants me to do a few things this week. The first thing is that he wants me to sign up for a Yoga class. He also wants me to create some crafts. Do something crafty. I already have something in mind. And the third thing is that he wants me to do a 54321 technique every morning and every night. Well, okay then.
After my counselor appointment, I went and had lunch with Dana, Donis, and Johnanne at Chicken Salad Chick. Then I drove to school to pick up the girls for their piano lesson. Well, one of them forgot and I ended up coming all the way home to get her. I got here before the bus. Whew!
We went to eat at Sombrero's after. I need to stop doing that. I'm spending way too much money on eating out instead of cooking. But I can't seem to make myself cook. That was your thing. The kitchen was your domain. I feel so out of place in there. I can scramble and egg and fix oatmeal and that's all I have the energy to do. I'm so sorry that I've let you down again. I know how you were about saving the money. I know I need to. I'll have to eventually. God I miss you!
Love,
Sunshine
Yesterday was 6 weeks hunny. Six weeks since you last wrapped your arms around me in a bear hug. Six weeks since I drove you to that job in Lafayette. Six weeks since we had our last meal together in Mel's Diner. Our last date.
I cannot believe that time has flown by so quickly. I feel like it was just yesterday! I'm so lonesome without you here. I miss you so stinkin' much! Your smile. Your laugh. Your smell. Your everything! I miss you!
I went to see my counselor today. He told me that he wants me to do a few things this week. The first thing is that he wants me to sign up for a Yoga class. He also wants me to create some crafts. Do something crafty. I already have something in mind. And the third thing is that he wants me to do a 54321 technique every morning and every night. Well, okay then.
After my counselor appointment, I went and had lunch with Dana, Donis, and Johnanne at Chicken Salad Chick. Then I drove to school to pick up the girls for their piano lesson. Well, one of them forgot and I ended up coming all the way home to get her. I got here before the bus. Whew!
We went to eat at Sombrero's after. I need to stop doing that. I'm spending way too much money on eating out instead of cooking. But I can't seem to make myself cook. That was your thing. The kitchen was your domain. I feel so out of place in there. I can scramble and egg and fix oatmeal and that's all I have the energy to do. I'm so sorry that I've let you down again. I know how you were about saving the money. I know I need to. I'll have to eventually. God I miss you!
Love,
Sunshine
Mar 14, 2018
2018, Mar 14 - Talking about You
Hey babe. Well, the funeral home called again and said your Death Certs were ready for pick up. I went to meet the lady, her name was Suzie, and we had a nice visit. She was working from her home over in Ponchi today, so I went over there to meet her. I started crying when she gave me the certificate to look over and then she asked about you. We sat there for over an hour and all I could talk about was you. I shared with her about our How We Met story ... told her about our Footwear Discussion .... told her how you laid one on me at the end of our first date and how it melted my knees. Oh, God how I miss your kisses!
I told her about the Motorhome project and the cross country road trip plans. I told her about our Date Nights, the Target Toy run and the Bookstore Date in particular. Who am I going to play with now, Charlie? Who do I get to mess with at the bookstore? I feel so lost.
I got home and saw my first red cardinal today. Was that you? Were you dropping by to say hi and check in on me? I hope it was you. It was as big as a robin!! It was the brightest Red I've seen! It had to be you because you're a big fella and you would have needed a big bird! :D I would know for sure if you had come a little closer to me.
I really enjoyed talking about you. I think it was calming and soothing to do so. I'm afraid that when I start dating again (Are you okay with that?) I will have to stop talking about you. I'm scared that the guys I meet will not understand.
I got ready to go to my dance lesson. Before I left, I held your box of ashes. I hugged them close and shed another gallon of tears. But, I felt you near. I felt you near me. I know what the Bible says about being apart from the body is to be present with the Lord. Is that you I feel near me or is it just my imagination? I would love to think it was you.
I learned a new dance today. Shane, my instructor, taught me the Tango. He tells me that if I continue lessons, I could really become a dancer! I could be an exhibitionist! I would LOVE to but I'm not sure how you would feel about it. I'd like to think that Shane is you and when I dance with him, I'm dancing with you.
I went to church tonight and went through the music duty motions. I did okay until we played a new song. It talks about the dry bones rising up and praising God. It talks about new life, and the dead being risen again. I couldn't get through it. I had to walk out and cry for a bit.
Charlie, I miss you so much. I've been crying for 2 days. I don't know how to get up and get out of bed in the morning. There is so much to do around the house and I can't seem to get started doing any of it. I love you.
I told her about the Motorhome project and the cross country road trip plans. I told her about our Date Nights, the Target Toy run and the Bookstore Date in particular. Who am I going to play with now, Charlie? Who do I get to mess with at the bookstore? I feel so lost.
I got home and saw my first red cardinal today. Was that you? Were you dropping by to say hi and check in on me? I hope it was you. It was as big as a robin!! It was the brightest Red I've seen! It had to be you because you're a big fella and you would have needed a big bird! :D I would know for sure if you had come a little closer to me.
I really enjoyed talking about you. I think it was calming and soothing to do so. I'm afraid that when I start dating again (Are you okay with that?) I will have to stop talking about you. I'm scared that the guys I meet will not understand.
I got ready to go to my dance lesson. Before I left, I held your box of ashes. I hugged them close and shed another gallon of tears. But, I felt you near. I felt you near me. I know what the Bible says about being apart from the body is to be present with the Lord. Is that you I feel near me or is it just my imagination? I would love to think it was you.
I learned a new dance today. Shane, my instructor, taught me the Tango. He tells me that if I continue lessons, I could really become a dancer! I could be an exhibitionist! I would LOVE to but I'm not sure how you would feel about it. I'd like to think that Shane is you and when I dance with him, I'm dancing with you.
I went to church tonight and went through the music duty motions. I did okay until we played a new song. It talks about the dry bones rising up and praising God. It talks about new life, and the dead being risen again. I couldn't get through it. I had to walk out and cry for a bit.
Charlie, I miss you so much. I've been crying for 2 days. I don't know how to get up and get out of bed in the morning. There is so much to do around the house and I can't seem to get started doing any of it. I love you.
Mar 13, 2018
2018, Mar 13 - The Gov't Called
Hey honey,
Let me tell you what happened yesterday. Well, first, the girls got off to school and I laid in bed and cried a while. Then I got up and got my things together to go work out. You hated the idea of paying for a gym membership but I really think this is good for me right now. I walked 30 minutes on the treadmill, then did some leg weights and glute exercises. Then I took at shower and got dressed in jeans and a floral top because I didn't want to go home. I pretended I had other appointments. Evenutally though, I had to go home to be there for the girls when they got off the bus.
I checked the mail. There were 2 letters from the bank. Each one referencing the Social Security deposit that was made on Feb 21. This was the first deposit after your death. Well, to make a long story short. The Government wants that deposit back. So, I gave it back. Now, I can only hope that I get paper work and applications done in time for the Mar deposit. If not, I don't know what I'm going to do until the 3rd week of April.
Then, I took the girls to their Chorale rehearsal. They have choir festival this week. You'd be so proud of how far they've come in this little bit of time. They are absolute angels, Charlie. We did good!
This morning, I woke up, and couldn't get out of the bed. I just laid there and cried and cried until about noon. Then, I HAD to get up because I had to get dressed and pick the girls up from school. I had a dance lesson scheduled and would be much later than normal getting home. So, they went with me and just sat in the waiting area at the dance studio. How many times did I sit in waiting areas for them? It's their turn!
After that, I reached for the phone to call you and then realizing I couldn't, I cried the entire drive back to town. Took M2 to her Talent Theater rehearsal and then M1 and I just sat in the truck for a while before going back to G&J's for burgers and fries until it was time to go back and pick up M2.
Then we came home.
That's it. That's our big exciting 2 days. It would be so much better if you were here.
Kyle told me about a dream he had of you the other night. He said we were having a family gathering under one of Daddy's sheds. There were folding chairs all around. He said you came around the corner and sat in a chair beside him. You were wearing a bright yellow shirt and jeans. You said to him, "How've you been?" Kyle got excited and turned to me to say, "Mom! Look who's here!" and when he turned back, you were gone. Why'd you visit him and not me? Why can't you come visit me? I miss you so much! I miss you! I need you. I need your arms around me while I cry. That last hug on the day of your heart attack was not long enough. I love you.
Let me tell you what happened yesterday. Well, first, the girls got off to school and I laid in bed and cried a while. Then I got up and got my things together to go work out. You hated the idea of paying for a gym membership but I really think this is good for me right now. I walked 30 minutes on the treadmill, then did some leg weights and glute exercises. Then I took at shower and got dressed in jeans and a floral top because I didn't want to go home. I pretended I had other appointments. Evenutally though, I had to go home to be there for the girls when they got off the bus.
I checked the mail. There were 2 letters from the bank. Each one referencing the Social Security deposit that was made on Feb 21. This was the first deposit after your death. Well, to make a long story short. The Government wants that deposit back. So, I gave it back. Now, I can only hope that I get paper work and applications done in time for the Mar deposit. If not, I don't know what I'm going to do until the 3rd week of April.
Then, I took the girls to their Chorale rehearsal. They have choir festival this week. You'd be so proud of how far they've come in this little bit of time. They are absolute angels, Charlie. We did good!
This morning, I woke up, and couldn't get out of the bed. I just laid there and cried and cried until about noon. Then, I HAD to get up because I had to get dressed and pick the girls up from school. I had a dance lesson scheduled and would be much later than normal getting home. So, they went with me and just sat in the waiting area at the dance studio. How many times did I sit in waiting areas for them? It's their turn!
After that, I reached for the phone to call you and then realizing I couldn't, I cried the entire drive back to town. Took M2 to her Talent Theater rehearsal and then M1 and I just sat in the truck for a while before going back to G&J's for burgers and fries until it was time to go back and pick up M2.
Then we came home.
That's it. That's our big exciting 2 days. It would be so much better if you were here.
Kyle told me about a dream he had of you the other night. He said we were having a family gathering under one of Daddy's sheds. There were folding chairs all around. He said you came around the corner and sat in a chair beside him. You were wearing a bright yellow shirt and jeans. You said to him, "How've you been?" Kyle got excited and turned to me to say, "Mom! Look who's here!" and when he turned back, you were gone. Why'd you visit him and not me? Why can't you come visit me? I miss you so much! I miss you! I need you. I need your arms around me while I cry. That last hug on the day of your heart attack was not long enough. I love you.
Mar 11, 2018
2018, Mar 11 - A WEEK?
Hey Baby. I'm so sorry I've ignored the writing this week. I've been so busy. On Monday, your sister and her husband came and worked most of the day gathering up some more scrap iron. It was the 3rd trailer load!! Then your other sister came out to help and ended up in the ER due to a fainting spell she had. She checked out okay.
During the time they were here, I went to a widow's lunch. A bunch of us widows sat around moaning and groaning about how hard life is now. Well, I didn't do that but I listened to it. I know everyone does things differently, but I can't sit around moaning and groaning. I need to move forward. I don't want to be like some older women I know. When you asked them how they were doing, you got the Oh Poor Pitiful Me speech and then you get to hear allll about their aches and pains. I don't have the energy for that.
On Tuesday, Samantha called and needed a ride to the gas station where their truck was stranded. I got there, and we had to wait for the tow truck. While waiting, she was on the phone with her dad. I was dozing a little bit. I overheard her talking mechanical stuff with her dad and in my slumber began to form a question for her to ask you. The question was, "How do we start the motorhome?" See, Gary came out and put a charger on the battery. He checked all the fuses. The stupid thing will not start and we can't figure out why.
I also stopped by the mechanics shop on the way home to get a quote on what all needs to be done to your truck. I really just need the A/C done but it's gonna cost $900 ... or at least that's what the guy quoted me. Then I asked about that check engine light. He put his thing on the truck and then came back and said...".Heater core ($1000) then the evap system: Purge Solenoid ($161), Vapor Canister Vent Solenoid ($262), and Vapor Canister ($390). Plus an upcoming brake job ($?) and it needs new tires (abt $700)". Soooo, then he advised me to be looking for another vehicle. Says this one isn't worth putting the money into it. What would you recommend I sell the thing for?
On Wednesday morning, I think you paid me a visit. I woke up at 4:30 to the smell of coffee brewing. Did you stop by? I finally went back to sleep, after checking the kitchen, and both girls came to me complaining of stomach aches. I figured it might be viral, so I let them stay home. We all 3 slept until 11. They never threw up or anything so, I concluded they just needed a Mental Health day. We got up and went to eat lunch at G&J's, and then we went to my Ballroom Dance lesson in Hammond where they got to meet my instructor. After that, we drove back to Walker for Mariah's guitar lesson and church.
Thursday morning, there were no coffee smells. I missed it. I miss you. I started thinking about and planning that road trip you wanted to go on so badly. I'm still trying to work out the logistics. I was thinking about taking your truck, but at 146,000 miles, it may not be a good idea. I'm waiting for your Death Certificate to come in so I can start the Succession stuff. Since we don't have much, I predict it won't take long for everything to happen, unless someone throws a kink in the mix. Anyway, once all the title transfers are done, then I can possibly trade both vehicles in for a crossover ....and we'll be good to go for a road trip. That's the plan anyway. And you and I know how things happen to well laid plans, don't we?
A few of my Facebook memory things popped up the other day and I was reminded of all the lunches we enjoyed at the area hole in the wall restaurants! Then I was reminded of all the cemeteries you and I strolled through. You're the only man I've ever known who enjoyed walking through spooky old cemeteries. I miss that about you. I wish we had been able to do more but I know how much pain you were in with your back. I know how excited you were about that surgery. I'm so sorry things didn't work out the way we had planned.
I also saw a video I had made of me singing a song, badly, to you while you were driving us somewhere. I loved the look you gave me as I was singing it. You tried to hide a smile but I saw it! I know you were laughing inside!
Anway, after all that, I went ahead to the gym and worked out for an hour, hung out at the library for an hour, then got lunch at G&J's (AGAIN) and came home and sat at the end of our muddy driveway, arguing with myself for an hour about coming inside the house. I didn't want to.
On Friday, I woke up all depressed, sad, lonely, emotional, heartbroken, incomplete, you name it, I was feeling it. I am also experiencing what they call Widow Brain, it's a phenomenon that occurs after the shock of suddenly losing a loved one. Why do they call it a LOSS? I know where you are, therefore, I have not LOST you. Anyway, speaking of Loss, on Saturday, Mar 3, I lost the Suburban keys. I had started the Suburban and let it run for a bit. Then, I don't know what happened to the keys. I lost them .... or maybe you hid them? from me?
So, anyway, on Friday after waking up all depressed, I cried around the house before I left it, went out to the truck and decided I needed to clean the back of it out. I got Daddy's yellow wagon thing and pulled it out there. Then I climbed up in the back and started tossing stuff. Can I just tell you how surprised I was to find the Suburban keys under some old rusty brake pads in the back of your truck? How did those get THERE? Now, I'm more convinced that you actually hid them from me last weekend!
After that, I went to the gym to work out. I'd backed a bag with a change of clothes so I could get to my appointment after the work out. I got to the gym, walked in, sat the bag down to get my sneakers, and they weren't there. I'd left them at home. So much for a work out. Can't do anything barefoot at the gym. :( So, I went ahead and changed my clothes and went to the library for a while. Then I had my counseling appointment. The funeral home called around that time and told me your Death Certficates had come in and I could go pick them up. I waited for the girls to get home and then drove down to the funeral home. The Death Certificates were messed up so I sent them back to be corrected. I'm so mad about that! Does anyone do their job anymore!? Where did they get the info tey printed on the DC the first time around? Cuz it wasn't from me!!
Yesterday, I woke up and saw a memory on Facebook about our mystery dates. I'm really missing those mystery dates. I miss everything about you, I miss your smell, I miss your arms, I miss your jokes, I miss the way you'd laugh when you got tickled over something.
Remember how we talked about doing outdoor stuff like that again? I remember doing all that in our beginning but I guess we got busy with life. From now on I will plan outdoor outings for the girls every weekend. So, last night, the girls and I went on our first outing. We went on a twilight canoe ride. It was wonderful but I missed you. I know you were there in the soft Gulf breeze, in the croak of the cricket frogs, in the stars. You were there. But not in the way I wanted. I want you here with me now, physically. I want your arms around me again. I miss you so damned much!
During the time they were here, I went to a widow's lunch. A bunch of us widows sat around moaning and groaning about how hard life is now. Well, I didn't do that but I listened to it. I know everyone does things differently, but I can't sit around moaning and groaning. I need to move forward. I don't want to be like some older women I know. When you asked them how they were doing, you got the Oh Poor Pitiful Me speech and then you get to hear allll about their aches and pains. I don't have the energy for that.
On Tuesday, Samantha called and needed a ride to the gas station where their truck was stranded. I got there, and we had to wait for the tow truck. While waiting, she was on the phone with her dad. I was dozing a little bit. I overheard her talking mechanical stuff with her dad and in my slumber began to form a question for her to ask you. The question was, "How do we start the motorhome?" See, Gary came out and put a charger on the battery. He checked all the fuses. The stupid thing will not start and we can't figure out why.
I also stopped by the mechanics shop on the way home to get a quote on what all needs to be done to your truck. I really just need the A/C done but it's gonna cost $900 ... or at least that's what the guy quoted me. Then I asked about that check engine light. He put his thing on the truck and then came back and said...".Heater core ($1000) then the evap system: Purge Solenoid ($161), Vapor Canister Vent Solenoid ($262), and Vapor Canister ($390). Plus an upcoming brake job ($?) and it needs new tires (abt $700)". Soooo, then he advised me to be looking for another vehicle. Says this one isn't worth putting the money into it. What would you recommend I sell the thing for?
On Wednesday morning, I think you paid me a visit. I woke up at 4:30 to the smell of coffee brewing. Did you stop by? I finally went back to sleep, after checking the kitchen, and both girls came to me complaining of stomach aches. I figured it might be viral, so I let them stay home. We all 3 slept until 11. They never threw up or anything so, I concluded they just needed a Mental Health day. We got up and went to eat lunch at G&J's, and then we went to my Ballroom Dance lesson in Hammond where they got to meet my instructor. After that, we drove back to Walker for Mariah's guitar lesson and church.
Thursday morning, there were no coffee smells. I missed it. I miss you. I started thinking about and planning that road trip you wanted to go on so badly. I'm still trying to work out the logistics. I was thinking about taking your truck, but at 146,000 miles, it may not be a good idea. I'm waiting for your Death Certificate to come in so I can start the Succession stuff. Since we don't have much, I predict it won't take long for everything to happen, unless someone throws a kink in the mix. Anyway, once all the title transfers are done, then I can possibly trade both vehicles in for a crossover ....and we'll be good to go for a road trip. That's the plan anyway. And you and I know how things happen to well laid plans, don't we?
A few of my Facebook memory things popped up the other day and I was reminded of all the lunches we enjoyed at the area hole in the wall restaurants! Then I was reminded of all the cemeteries you and I strolled through. You're the only man I've ever known who enjoyed walking through spooky old cemeteries. I miss that about you. I wish we had been able to do more but I know how much pain you were in with your back. I know how excited you were about that surgery. I'm so sorry things didn't work out the way we had planned.
I also saw a video I had made of me singing a song, badly, to you while you were driving us somewhere. I loved the look you gave me as I was singing it. You tried to hide a smile but I saw it! I know you were laughing inside!
Anway, after all that, I went ahead to the gym and worked out for an hour, hung out at the library for an hour, then got lunch at G&J's (AGAIN) and came home and sat at the end of our muddy driveway, arguing with myself for an hour about coming inside the house. I didn't want to.
On Friday, I woke up all depressed, sad, lonely, emotional, heartbroken, incomplete, you name it, I was feeling it. I am also experiencing what they call Widow Brain, it's a phenomenon that occurs after the shock of suddenly losing a loved one. Why do they call it a LOSS? I know where you are, therefore, I have not LOST you. Anyway, speaking of Loss, on Saturday, Mar 3, I lost the Suburban keys. I had started the Suburban and let it run for a bit. Then, I don't know what happened to the keys. I lost them .... or maybe you hid them? from me?
So, anyway, on Friday after waking up all depressed, I cried around the house before I left it, went out to the truck and decided I needed to clean the back of it out. I got Daddy's yellow wagon thing and pulled it out there. Then I climbed up in the back and started tossing stuff. Can I just tell you how surprised I was to find the Suburban keys under some old rusty brake pads in the back of your truck? How did those get THERE? Now, I'm more convinced that you actually hid them from me last weekend!
After that, I went to the gym to work out. I'd backed a bag with a change of clothes so I could get to my appointment after the work out. I got to the gym, walked in, sat the bag down to get my sneakers, and they weren't there. I'd left them at home. So much for a work out. Can't do anything barefoot at the gym. :( So, I went ahead and changed my clothes and went to the library for a while. Then I had my counseling appointment. The funeral home called around that time and told me your Death Certficates had come in and I could go pick them up. I waited for the girls to get home and then drove down to the funeral home. The Death Certificates were messed up so I sent them back to be corrected. I'm so mad about that! Does anyone do their job anymore!? Where did they get the info tey printed on the DC the first time around? Cuz it wasn't from me!!
Yesterday, I woke up and saw a memory on Facebook about our mystery dates. I'm really missing those mystery dates. I miss everything about you, I miss your smell, I miss your arms, I miss your jokes, I miss the way you'd laugh when you got tickled over something.
Remember how we talked about doing outdoor stuff like that again? I remember doing all that in our beginning but I guess we got busy with life. From now on I will plan outdoor outings for the girls every weekend. So, last night, the girls and I went on our first outing. We went on a twilight canoe ride. It was wonderful but I missed you. I know you were there in the soft Gulf breeze, in the croak of the cricket frogs, in the stars. You were there. But not in the way I wanted. I want you here with me now, physically. I want your arms around me again. I miss you so damned much!
2018, Mar 2 - Running
Hey baby,
I got up this morning real early, at 6, and had to hit the ground running. Took Sam to a doctor's appointment across town, then brought her home, then I went to the counselor, followed by a lunch date. THEN I had to go pick up the girls for THEIR counselor appointment, then I took them to Samantha's while I went out to Hammond for a dance lesson. That's about it. Love and miss you!
I got up this morning real early, at 6, and had to hit the ground running. Took Sam to a doctor's appointment across town, then brought her home, then I went to the counselor, followed by a lunch date. THEN I had to go pick up the girls for THEIR counselor appointment, then I took them to Samantha's while I went out to Hammond for a dance lesson. That's about it. Love and miss you!
Mar 5, 2018
2018, Mar 5 - Scrap Iron
Hey honey!
I got up early this morning and went up to Anytime Fitness to walk on the treadmill. I did 30 minutes at 3mph and did great! I'm gonna try to keep going every day until I can work up to an hour at pace on the treadmill. After that, I came home and got all the garbage out of the back of the pick up. Now, there's just leftover tools and rusty metal. I think I'm just gonna load it on the scrap trailer. Speaking of that .....
Man, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? G&G came over today to make another load of scrap iron. Charlie .... I know you MUST have had a method to your madness but we can't for the life of us figure it out! You have sheetmetal and galvanized studs spread out all over the place! I bet you even forgot you had some of it because we dug it out from under the piles of leaves! There was stuff in that 8x10 shed that I KNOW you forgot you had! My WORD!
After piling a lot of stuff together, G went to try and start the MoHo again. We still can't get that thing to turn over. I have no idea what's wrong with it. If we could only get it started so it's driveable, then your nephew might actually take it off my hands!
There are some other things here that I don't know what to do with. I figured I'd just list them on a site somewhere and see if a bidding war starts. All proceeds are going towards the driveway construction. I'm still mad at you about that driveway. I don't know why you would never do anything about it.
I had to leave them for a while today to attend a luncheon put on by one of the church ladies. It was nice, but I'm not sure I fit in. We had all lost our spouses in the space of the past 2 months. They're all a little older than me. Not that that fact matters.
Then I came back home and helped get some more metals together and learned that your sister Carolyn and Hubs had arrived and fainted or had some kind of spell. Darryl had to take her the hospital. Later B called and said his dad wouldn't tell him anything. They say no news is good news!! I'm going up there in the morning though to check on her. You don't need her yet!
That was our big adventure day.
Love and Miss you bunches!!! Me.
I got up early this morning and went up to Anytime Fitness to walk on the treadmill. I did 30 minutes at 3mph and did great! I'm gonna try to keep going every day until I can work up to an hour at pace on the treadmill. After that, I came home and got all the garbage out of the back of the pick up. Now, there's just leftover tools and rusty metal. I think I'm just gonna load it on the scrap trailer. Speaking of that .....
Man, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? G&G came over today to make another load of scrap iron. Charlie .... I know you MUST have had a method to your madness but we can't for the life of us figure it out! You have sheetmetal and galvanized studs spread out all over the place! I bet you even forgot you had some of it because we dug it out from under the piles of leaves! There was stuff in that 8x10 shed that I KNOW you forgot you had! My WORD!
After piling a lot of stuff together, G went to try and start the MoHo again. We still can't get that thing to turn over. I have no idea what's wrong with it. If we could only get it started so it's driveable, then your nephew might actually take it off my hands!
There are some other things here that I don't know what to do with. I figured I'd just list them on a site somewhere and see if a bidding war starts. All proceeds are going towards the driveway construction. I'm still mad at you about that driveway. I don't know why you would never do anything about it.
I had to leave them for a while today to attend a luncheon put on by one of the church ladies. It was nice, but I'm not sure I fit in. We had all lost our spouses in the space of the past 2 months. They're all a little older than me. Not that that fact matters.
Then I came back home and helped get some more metals together and learned that your sister Carolyn and Hubs had arrived and fainted or had some kind of spell. Darryl had to take her the hospital. Later B called and said his dad wouldn't tell him anything. They say no news is good news!! I'm going up there in the morning though to check on her. You don't need her yet!
That was our big adventure day.
Love and Miss you bunches!!! Me.
2018, Mar 4 - Sunday
Hey babe,
I don't know what is going on with me on Sundays. Apparently, I have a mental thing that's causing me to have meltdowns on Sunday mornings. I think I'm associating it with your death. So, I get up, get dressed, and leave the house to head to church. But 2 miles down the road, I begin to have a panic attack/meltdown. It lasts until I arrive at church 30 minutes later and walk in the front doors. The past few Sundays, I have just sat in the congregation. Today though, I played. Yes, I got back up there with the P&W team and did my thing, breathing through the anxiety the entire time. Then Destry sang a special and it tore me up, so I hid in the hallway in the back. Mariah came to me, gave me a big hug, and told me how proud she was of me!!! Isn't that sweet!!!?? We did something right with these girls!!!
After church and all the hoopla, the girls and I drove over into BR to meet with Kyle, Kaylee, and her parents for lunch. We had a very nice time and visit and I got to talk about you a lot!!! I really enjoyed that because you are and have always been my favorite subject!
Then we came home and just chilled out for the rest of the evening.
Love and Miss you bunches!
Me.
I don't know what is going on with me on Sundays. Apparently, I have a mental thing that's causing me to have meltdowns on Sunday mornings. I think I'm associating it with your death. So, I get up, get dressed, and leave the house to head to church. But 2 miles down the road, I begin to have a panic attack/meltdown. It lasts until I arrive at church 30 minutes later and walk in the front doors. The past few Sundays, I have just sat in the congregation. Today though, I played. Yes, I got back up there with the P&W team and did my thing, breathing through the anxiety the entire time. Then Destry sang a special and it tore me up, so I hid in the hallway in the back. Mariah came to me, gave me a big hug, and told me how proud she was of me!!! Isn't that sweet!!!?? We did something right with these girls!!!
After church and all the hoopla, the girls and I drove over into BR to meet with Kyle, Kaylee, and her parents for lunch. We had a very nice time and visit and I got to talk about you a lot!!! I really enjoyed that because you are and have always been my favorite subject!
Then we came home and just chilled out for the rest of the evening.
Love and Miss you bunches!
Me.
Mar 4, 2018
2018, Mar 3 - Busy Day
Hey babe,
Just wanted to start out here saying that I sure do miss you. I got up this morning, early, which as you know is very unusual for me. A man arrived at 7:30 to buy your old Gravely tractor. I got $100 for it! He got stuck in the mud in the front yard and had to use his winch to get out. I started to get dad's tractor but couldn't find the key for it. Turns out Gary came and used the tractor the other day and hid the key. I found it later but not when I needed it. Anyway, so this man is the Pastor up in Pride at a little church called Sandy Creek. His name is Dwayne. So, while we were pulling his truck from the mud at a snail's pace, I told him about you. He said that you must have been an awesome fella.
We discussed all the little God signs I have seen also. But I didn't see any today. I was hoping to but you never showed up. Anyway, he bought that Gravely and took off with it.
When that chore was done, I had to get the girls ready for Piano Federation. You'd be so proud of them. They both got Superior ratings. And I know what you would say about that too. "They get it from me!", you would say. And I would roll my eyes and shake my head.
Afterwards, we went to Chick Fil A for a late lunch, followed by a movie "Black Panther" at the Movie Tavern. It was kind of predictable. Then, we came home where I got on the stupid computer to try and find you again. I know I'm not anywhere near ready for a relationship but I just want someone to tell me I'm pretty. You saw me at my worst and would still tell me I was beautiful. You used to say that I was your best. I miss that. I miss having your arms around me and your kiss on my lips. I miss the way you'd run your fingers through my hair. I hope that I'll have that again someday. They don't place ads in the paper anymore hunny. Now, it's all this online garbage. I'm not pretty like I used to be and no body will want me like I am now.
I joined the gym to try and work off some of this fluff I've accumulated over the years. We'll have to see what happens with that.
I'm gonna go to bed now. I love and miss you so much it hurts! What am I supposed to do without you?
Just wanted to start out here saying that I sure do miss you. I got up this morning, early, which as you know is very unusual for me. A man arrived at 7:30 to buy your old Gravely tractor. I got $100 for it! He got stuck in the mud in the front yard and had to use his winch to get out. I started to get dad's tractor but couldn't find the key for it. Turns out Gary came and used the tractor the other day and hid the key. I found it later but not when I needed it. Anyway, so this man is the Pastor up in Pride at a little church called Sandy Creek. His name is Dwayne. So, while we were pulling his truck from the mud at a snail's pace, I told him about you. He said that you must have been an awesome fella.
We discussed all the little God signs I have seen also. But I didn't see any today. I was hoping to but you never showed up. Anyway, he bought that Gravely and took off with it.
When that chore was done, I had to get the girls ready for Piano Federation. You'd be so proud of them. They both got Superior ratings. And I know what you would say about that too. "They get it from me!", you would say. And I would roll my eyes and shake my head.
Afterwards, we went to Chick Fil A for a late lunch, followed by a movie "Black Panther" at the Movie Tavern. It was kind of predictable. Then, we came home where I got on the stupid computer to try and find you again. I know I'm not anywhere near ready for a relationship but I just want someone to tell me I'm pretty. You saw me at my worst and would still tell me I was beautiful. You used to say that I was your best. I miss that. I miss having your arms around me and your kiss on my lips. I miss the way you'd run your fingers through my hair. I hope that I'll have that again someday. They don't place ads in the paper anymore hunny. Now, it's all this online garbage. I'm not pretty like I used to be and no body will want me like I am now.
I joined the gym to try and work off some of this fluff I've accumulated over the years. We'll have to see what happens with that.
I'm gonna go to bed now. I love and miss you so much it hurts! What am I supposed to do without you?
Mar 2, 2018
2018, Mar 1 - Dancing again
Hey honey -
Sorry I didn't write last night. I was so tired. I'm exhausted tonight as well. See, yesterday started out with a hair appointment with Peggy. You know how I love to go to Peggy to get my hair done. She colored my roots for me and hid some of the gray. She takes her time and talks with me a lot.
Then, I dropped by the church to drop off a Thank You note and chit chat a little bit.
I drove down to Gonzales to meet up with your sisters for lunch. I don't know why we never did that before. Geri said it was because we were all so busy all the time. Well, I'm making a point to try and have lunch with them together at least once a month from now own. We visited and talked for over an hour and had such a good time!
Then I went to get the girls and take them to piano lessons (and I got a nap in the truck). When they were done with that, it was time to get home so I could get ready for a dance. I took some ballroom dance lessons on Tuesday and was invited back for a group class and a social dance. The dances I learned on Tuesday were the Waltz, Cha Cha, and the Fox Trot.
We started out with the group class and learned a few new steps and passes. Then, we had dinner that one lady had cooked: roast chicken, roasted broccoli and cauliflower, green beans, 3 different pound cakes, sushi, brownies, soft drinks, water, wine, etc. etc. It was awesome!
When we were finished eating, I had about 5 people captive at my table while I told them our How We Met story. They thought it was the cutest thing!!! I shared with them about how you would have loved to do the dancing with me. They said, 'Bring him along next time!" I awkwardly explained that you had passed away and were gone. It was a bit silent there for a minute while everyone absorbed the info I had given them. Then somebody put some swing music on and everybody got on the dance floor. I sure do wish you were here to dance with me. I miss you and love you so much!
Sorry I didn't write last night. I was so tired. I'm exhausted tonight as well. See, yesterday started out with a hair appointment with Peggy. You know how I love to go to Peggy to get my hair done. She colored my roots for me and hid some of the gray. She takes her time and talks with me a lot.
Then, I dropped by the church to drop off a Thank You note and chit chat a little bit.
I drove down to Gonzales to meet up with your sisters for lunch. I don't know why we never did that before. Geri said it was because we were all so busy all the time. Well, I'm making a point to try and have lunch with them together at least once a month from now own. We visited and talked for over an hour and had such a good time!
Then I went to get the girls and take them to piano lessons (and I got a nap in the truck). When they were done with that, it was time to get home so I could get ready for a dance. I took some ballroom dance lessons on Tuesday and was invited back for a group class and a social dance. The dances I learned on Tuesday were the Waltz, Cha Cha, and the Fox Trot.
We started out with the group class and learned a few new steps and passes. Then, we had dinner that one lady had cooked: roast chicken, roasted broccoli and cauliflower, green beans, 3 different pound cakes, sushi, brownies, soft drinks, water, wine, etc. etc. It was awesome!
When we were finished eating, I had about 5 people captive at my table while I told them our How We Met story. They thought it was the cutest thing!!! I shared with them about how you would have loved to do the dancing with me. They said, 'Bring him along next time!" I awkwardly explained that you had passed away and were gone. It was a bit silent there for a minute while everyone absorbed the info I had given them. Then somebody put some swing music on and everybody got on the dance floor. I sure do wish you were here to dance with me. I miss you and love you so much!
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