2021/04/25 - Adventures in Post Loss Dating

 Dearest Charlie,

I really should start making a post each day from now on.  Putting my thoughts in order and on "paper" ...  I have so many thoughts twirling around in my head right now.  Right now, this post will reflect on some of the adventures in dating that I have had.  Since my last post, I have communicated with quite a few fellas.  Met an Army guy, I'll call him Sarge. We have texted back and forth for quite a bit but he is not interested in a relationship.  Just sex.  Then I met another fella, one I REALLY like and want, Cowboy Dan.  Cowboy Dan and I have also texted back and forth for nearly 4 months.  I have met him face to face 4 or 5 times.  He also is not interested in a relationship.  But if he were, he and I agreed that we would make a fine match.  So, I tossed both Sarge and Cowboy back into the pond.   I have casually been having text conversations with this guy and that guy, and eventually they all reveal they want the same thing ... sex.  I've gotten quite annoyed and disgusted; and have my towel aimed to toss. But, then ... just this week, I met another, Fireman.  

We've talked and texted quite a bit over the past week, and he's been a breathe of fresh air.   Fireman quickly asked me on 3 dates in 4 days!  He wasn't satisfied with talks on the phone, he actually wanted to spend some time with me!  What an odd idea!  

He is more of a talker than a texter (YAY!). As he was out of town for the weekend, he stayed contact, calling to chat between his activities.

Last night he called, we had good conversation, it flowed well, and then he asked me if I would like to accompany him for -

Thurs evening: Dinner date

Saturday evening: Fireman’s Award Banquet

Sun afternoon: Motorcycle ride

So, Thursday evening:

We met up at a local steakhouse where we sat and talked while eating. After dinner, I rode with him in his truck to a little spring carnival not far from the restaurant. We strolled around, holding hands because he has long legs and walks fast and I needed to slow him down. I had already done my cardio for the day! We did not ride any rides, just looked at the bright lights and the little kiddos having fun. Though we had mostly good conversation, his favorite topic seems to be politics and the future state of our country. When I could say something, I tried to redirect and ask how long he’s been a fireman and what inspired him, yada yada. He’s a transplant to my area so I asked about his area too. The only thing I did NOT like is that he isn’t very flirty and he didn’t ask much about me and my life. I was also quiet about myself and did not volunteer. After the stroll, he drove me back to my car and we parted with a hug (no kiss - though I think he expected one) and a quick discussion of plans for Saturday’s awards banquet. He requested that I text him upon my safe arrival at home. This morning - he texted me good morning and wished me a good day.

Saturday's events first: The awards banquet - I opted to drive to his apartment, then rode with him to the banquet. The reason for this was due to location and proximity of the banquet to my residence. The event was on his side of town, so it made no sense for him to come get me, and go all the way back to that side of town, then bring me home.  At the banquet, I was able to observe his interactions with his peers and was pleased with what I saw. He also seemed more relaxed than he did on the Thursday date. We ended the evening with a hug and a "Rest well". Again, he asked me to text him when I got home.

Sunday's motorcycle ride:  Because I play the piano at my church, the ride had to wait until services were over.  I informed him that I had to get back to the church by 5 p.m. for choir rehearsal. We began our ride at 1. He was dressed in his biker gear - i.e. cut with patches for those who know. We stopped at a little Hole-In-The-Wall for a late lunch, where all heads turned when we walked in. I mean, heads turn when bikers enter anyway, but when he's 6'4", well, he naturally gets a little more attention. After eating, we resumed our ride, neither one of us looking at the time. When we did, we realized we were pushing it to get me back to my car etc. He offered to take me to church and hang out while I did my thing, THEN return me to my car.

While at choir rehearsal, we had some sound system issues, and lo and behold, Fireman knows his sound system stuff! He did his thing in the sound booth, and I did mine at the keyboard. By the end of the hour, the church choir and director have adopted him as the newest member of our little family, dubbing him Biker Fireman! The director offered to put him on the Sunday sound system schedule! LOL He politely declined due to other obligations.

When it was time to go, we exited the church, and this church lady (me) donned her helmet, climbed on the back of this Harley behind him, and we roared out of the parking lot with my hands in the air and a loud WooHoo! We got back to his apartment, dismounted, and laughed at the events that transpired. He jokingly said, "The rumors are gonna be flying now and they're gonna have you married to me by tomorrow night!" LOL

We visited and talked a little more, with him now sharing and revealing some more personal stuff. In the end, we decided that though we had a lot of fun, our plans for the next few years take us in very different directions. He gave me another hug, said he was so glad that he met me and looks forward to many years of a good friendship. Once again, he asked me to text him when I got home. Which I did. I also made a short 30 second video of our ride and sent it to him.

2020, Nov 1 - Attempts at Postloss Dating

 Dearest Charlie,

I cannot believe how distracted I have been over the past year.  I have really let you down.  I tried the dating and relationship thing.  Got burned twice.  Lemme tell ya about it.

I shall call them by their nicknames.  So, you know, at least I think you do, about Sugarlips.  If not, lemme start at the beginning.  

I met Sugarlips online, at OurTime.com.  He started out just messaging me with no photo for reference. I had no idea what he looked like.  We messaged back and forth for a bit before exchanging phone numbers.  For a while, I knew him as Sugarlips Sims.  After talking on the phone for about 6 weeks, we decided to meet.  He sent me a pic and I thought he was attractive.  The night we met, there was an instant magnetic connection.  It was unreal.  I hadn't felt that since you my Dahlin'.  I missed it.  

During conversation, I felt something was off though.  I told him that he wasn't who he said he was.  He insisted that he was.  I almost asked for his ID but was distracted by an aptly timed ambulance.  He took advantage of the distracted and changed the subject. I didn't get a chance to ask again for his ID.  

We ended the evening and parted.  I had a long drive planned for the next day.  While on the drive, he kept calling to check on me.  As if he could've come to rescue me if there was a problem.  After every phone call, I would say to him, "Sugarlips, I know you are not who you say you are."  My bullshitometer was going berserk.  By the time I reached my destination some 8 hours later, he finally confessed to me that he was actually Sugarlips Erwin.  That was my first red flag - and yet I ignored it. 

He explained that was actually married for the 2nd time (on paper only) and lived at the address with his wife, her mother, and her two sisters.  He lived in his shop 100 feet away from the house.  Two weeks later, he began divorce proceedings and moved in with his daughter.  Eventually, he lost everything keeping only a house and two acres he owned before this marriage.

During our long distance relationship, (we lived 130 miles apart), there were numerous red flags that popped up, and I kept hitting my bullshitometer snooze button.  Fast forward to March 2020, when he begged me to move in with him.  For two weeks, he constantly begged and pleaded.  And then suddenly started easing off.  I went ahead and packed up to move in.  I made the drive up there.  Only to be told "Turn your ass around and go home."  He then cut off all communication.  

Four days later, I see he has a new picture up on Facebook with a new girlfriend.  A much younger woman named Jennifer.  I was devastated.  

This experience threw me back into that black hole of grief that I was in when you died.  I lost 20 pounds in 3 weeks.  Then, I met someone else.  

I got on Tinder, because that seemed to be the quickest way to meet someone.  I met a nice man I called Batman.  He was awesome.  He was such a great guy to talk to.  Admittedly, I talked to him an awful lot about Sugarlips.  He did not appreciate that much but he was very patient and compassionate.  I told him about you too.  I think ya'll could have been buddies.  I think you might have liked him.  He was in the oil field business so ya'll would have had that in common.  

He also was a theatre kid, so he and I had that in common.  He was a single dad to two teen daughters the same ages as ours.  We had THAT in common.  We had a LOT in common.  We talked for hours.  I really enjoyed those conversations about everything under the sun.  BUT he would never commit to me. Kept telling me that he didn't want to be under anyone's thumb. Even said a time or two that I was overbearing. My bullshitometer was malfunctioning.  It was not blaring like it did with Sugarlips.  I didn't see any red flags with Batman.  He was patient.  He slowly unfurled one red flag at a time.

He revealed that he was still legally married to his wife of 25 years, though they have been living apart for 8 of those years.  He has an on again/off again girlfriend that he cannot seem to shake.  He got involved with me in order to get under her skin.  She was not threatened by me.  So, he reconnected with another woman, a younger woman named Jennifer, with whom he and the GF had a past.  On Oct 13, 2020:  He actually told me to my face that GF was not threatened by ME.  That he could MARRY me and it would not bother her.  But, OH, he gets involved with Jennifer and THAT would get under GF's skin.  She would go ballistic once she found out.  

He held me while I cried over his rejection.  I thought that was nice of him to do.  I felt he was a decent guy for doing that instead of dumping me and cutting off all communication the way Sugarlips had.  He checked on me, texted me, called me to check on me.  Jennifer stayed with him everynight since they reconnected.  She's practically moved in with him.  

On Halloween night, he texted me Happy Halloween.  He asked how I was doing.  We texted a few texts back and forth and then I got one that said, "Ok.  Got busted."  I did not reply.

This morning, his text to me said, "Awesome.  Got Caught so do not text or call me again."  And he cut off all communication.  Just like Sugarlips.

That's 2 strikes in the past 6 months.  I have been dumped TWICE for a younger woman named Jennifer and the 2nd one doesn't seem to realize that she is being used ... but she will.  He'll mess up again and be alone.  He might even call me.  But I can't be bothered with all his issues.

The rejection hurts.  Not as bad as losing you hurt, but nonetheless.  I try to get out and meet new people and I get caught up with these yahoos.    Baby, I miss you so much.  I am so lost without you.  I wish you were here.

Love always,

Me

Key to long marriage: Do what your wife wants

This article was printed in the Baton Rouge paper on Feb 21, 1998
By Thomas H. Maugh II
Los Angeles Times

Husbands, forget all that psychobabble about active listening and validation.

If you want your marriage to last for a long time, the newest advice from psychologists is quite simple: Just do what your wife says. Go ahead, give in to her.

Active listening, in which one partner paraphrases the other partner's concerns – "So what I hear you saying is …" – is unnatural and requires too much of people in the midst of emotional conflict, says psychologist john Gottman of the University of Washington. "Asking that of couples is like requiring emotional gymnastics," he says.

Gottman and his colleagues studied 130 newlywed couples for six years in an effort to find ways to predict both marital success and failure.

Couples who used such techniques were no more likely to stay together than couples who did not, they are to report today in the Journal of Marriage and the Family, which is published by the National Council on Family Relations.

"We need to convey how shocked and surprised we were by these results for the active listening model," the team admitted in the article.

In fact, Gottman and his colleagues have long recommended active listening to couples seeking counseling and had expected that its use would be a predictor of success in marriages.

That it was not a predictor, he said, suggests that its widespread use in marital counseling should be abandoned.

The marriages that did work well all had one thing in common – the husband was willing to give into the wife.
"We found that only those newlywed men who are accepting of influence from their wives are ending up in happy, stable marriages," Gottman said. The autocrats who failed to listen to their wives' complaints, greeting them with stonewalling, contempt and belligerence were doomed from the beginning, they found.
But the study did not let wives completely off the hook.

Women who couched their complaints in a gentle, soothing, perhaps even humorous approach to the husband were more likely to have happy marriages than those who were more belligerent.

"That type of (belligerent) response is even more exaggerated in violent marriages," he added.
The fact that happily married couples do not normally use active listening is not a surprise, according to psychologist Howard Markman of the University of Denver, author of the 1994 book "Fighting For Your Marriage".

"We've found that in our own studies," he said.

In fact, he argues that Gottman is setting up a "straw man" in the study of active listening and validation, which is another form of recognizing the legitimacy of a spouse's opinions.

"When active listening is taught, it is not because happy couples use it," Markman said.
"We use it to help couples disrupt the negative patterns that predict divorce."
Gottman said he is "very sympathetic" to that idea.

"If you can genuinely listen and be empathetic when you are the target of the complaint, that can be very powerful," he said.

But for the average person, he said, "it is just too hard. The average person meets anger with anger."

The differences between Gottman and Markman are typical of the turmoil in the field of marital counseling.
A 1993 report argued that marital therapy has a relapse rates so high "that the entire enterprise may be in a state of crisis."

A recent Consumer Reports study found that people who underwent such therapy were the least satisfied among people who had undergone any form of psychotherapy.

Gottman's study was designed to identify the factors that naturally contribute to a successful marriage so those might be brought into play in therapy, thereby making it more successful.

"If you want to change marriages," he said, "You have to talk about the 'emotionally intelligent' husband. Some men are really good at accepting a wife's influence, at finding something reasonable in a partner's complaint to agree with." That group represents perhaps a third of all men, he added.

"Another group just rejects all attempts at influence. That's very characteristic of violent men," he said, but a majority of men do it to some extent.

"They feel, 'If I give in on this, I'm going to lose everything. I'm going to be totally manipulated and controlled."

That is not to say that men are the source of all problems in a marriage, he hastens to add.
But changing the attitudes of men "is a very powerful lever" in changing the course of a marriage.

"The only way to change marriage for the better is to improve the quality of friendship between a husband and wife and to help them deal with disagreements differently," Gottman says.

"There has to be a kind of gentleness in the way conflict is managed. Men have to be more accepting of a woman's position, and women have to be more gentl in starting up discussions."

80 Creative Dating Ideas

Lately, I’ve been looking for different date ideas for my hunny and I to enjoy together. We’re working on our 15th wedding anniversary this year!!! So, I hunted up some ideas and decided to post them here for your reading … and dating… enjoyment.  Oh, and there's a few links to Baton Rouge places.

1. Sketch your dream-house floor plan and talk about the possibilities for each room.

2. Write the story of how you met. Get it printed and bound.

3. List your spouse’s best qualities in alphabetical order.

4. Tour a museum or an art gallery.

• LSU Museum of Art

5. Notice the little changes your spouse makes in his/her appearance.

6. Float on a raft together.

• Baton Rouge Recreation Boat and Canoe Rentals

7. Take a stroll around the block – and hold hands as you walk.

8. Stock the cupboards with food your spouse loves to eat. (But ONLY if he or she ISN’T on a diet.)

9. Give your spouse a back rub.

10. Rent a classic love-story video (or go out to a movie) and watch it while cuddling.

•  Movie Date ideas (these are really cool!)

11. Build a fire in the fireplace, turn out the lights and talk.

12. Take a horse-drawn carriage ride.

13. Go swimming in the middle of the night.

14. Write a poem for your spouse.

15. Remember to look into your spouse’s eyes as he/she tells you about the day.

16. Tell your spouse, “I’m glad I married you!”

17. Hug your spouse from behind and give him/her a kiss on the back of the neck.

18. Stop in the middle of your busy day and talk to your spouse for 15 minutes.

19. Create your own special holiday.

20. Do something your spouse loves to do, even though It doesn’t interest you personally.

21. Send your spouse a love letter.

22. Build a snowman together.

23. Watch the sunset together.

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24. Sit on the same side of a restaurant booth.

25. Picnic by a pond.

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26. Give your mate a foot massage.

27. Put together a puzzle on a rainy evening.

28. Take a moonlight canoe ride.

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29. Tell your spouse, “I’d rather be here with you than any place in the world.”

30. Whisper something romantic to your spouse in a crowded room.

31. Have a candlelight picnic in the backyard.

32. Perfume the bed sheets.

33. Serve breakfast in bed.

34. Reminisce through old photo albums.

35. Go away for the weekend.

36. Share a milk shake with two straws.

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37. Kiss in the rain.

38. Brush his/her hair.

39. Ride the merry-go-round together.

40. Dedicate a song to her/him over the radio.

41. Wink and smile at your spouse from across the room.

42. Have a hot bubble bath ready for him/her at the end of a long day.

43. Buy new satin sheets.

44. Tenderly touch your spouse as you pass one another around the house.

45. Reminisce about your first date.

46. Plant a tree together in honor of your marriage.

47. Go kite flying.

48. Attend a sporting event you’ve never been to together.

49. Take time to think about him/her during the day, then share those thoughts.

50. Drop everything and do something for the one you love.

51. Dinner on the beach.

52. Eat in a jail cell – preferably not because you HAVE TO!

53. Progressive dinner – have a 7 course meal, but each course is in a different room, or house.

54. Paint balling

55. Go on a scavenger or Treasure hunt throughout town (I think this is now called Geocaching!)

56. Watch movies blind folded.

57. Go rock climbing.

58. Go fishing.

59. Set up a table and eat in the bed of a truck.

60. Eat on top of a bridge.

61. Go to a driving range.

62. Go “House Hunting” and check out all of the open houses – pretend that you are looking for a house.

63. Go hiking.

64. Go to the zoo.

65. Go Christmas Caroling – in August.

66. Do charity work together.

67. Go to Chuck E. Cheese.

68. Go mini golfing.

69. Have a picnic on top of a roof. Check out the stars while you are up there.

70. Feed the ducks or pigeons (depending on where you live).

71. Get 2 disposable cameras and take pictures all over town, then get them developed and make a mini scrapbook of your date.

72. Go to a video store. Walk in blindfolded and randomly choose a video off the shelf. Watch it.

73. Go out for ice cream.

74. Go get old fashion pictures taken.

75. Go to a fair or amusement park.

76. Go target or skeet shooting.

77. Dress up in Black-tie attire. Have dinner at McDonalds and go to a movie.

78. Get on a chat line together.

79. Get a tattoo together.

80. Make dinner together and eat it.

Hey - These are ONLY 80 ideas!  If you have any to add, please feel free to make a comment!  I LOVE Comments!

Date Night, Pt. 2: Bookstore Fun!

Lately, I have been searching for different things to do on Date Night with my Dahlin'.  Frankly, I was getting bored with the standard dinner and a movie.  I want to do other things.  So, I've subscribed to different websites, such as The Romantic and Loving You, that directly email me ideas.  Some of them get my creativity going...others...well, they go to File 13.  

But there was this one idea that I came across that I thought was just so cute!  So, tonight, I decided to spring it on the Dahlin'.  I decided to surprise him with the Bookstore Date idea.  After our dinner at Charlie's, we loaded up in the SUV and headed out to the nearest Barnes and Noble.  Of course, Dahlin' had no idea where we were going.  He was just the lowly driver turning left and right as I directed him.  He's such a good chauffer!

We got parked right in front of Barnes and Noble and exited the SUV.  We entered the store and then I sprung it on him.  I handed him a list and promptly endured a look from him that said, "What are you up to?"  I smiled and told him to complete set one and meet me over in the lounging area in 15 minutes with the books he had chosen.



At our first meeting, we discovered that we had picked up the same book!!!  :D



He found a recipe for a baby goat stew!  Eww!  I found one for Cornbread Sausage Pecan Dressing.  Hmmm.

 

Ummm, I'm not telling!

 

For the last challenge, we were s'posed to

1. Find a book that you once read in high school (for me that was White Fang).
2. Find a book that has the words "Happily Ever After" in it (for me that was Snow White).
3. Find a self help book that applies to you.  (for me - well see the pic below).

 HIS answer for all three requirements of the challenge?

He says he read it in high school....he swears it has the words "Happily Ever After" in it (though he couldn't show me)...and he claims it's his "self help" book.  **rolling eyes**  But I love him anyway!  :D

Date Night, Pt 1: Charlie's

For our Date Night tonight, we decided to try out a local little hole in the wall place that we've know was there but we just haven't taken the time to experience.  So....off we went to dine at Charlie's over in Springfield, LA.   If there was a website for this little gem of a place, I would link it.  But they don't have a website.  They DO, however, have many reviews if you only Google it.

Charlie's seems to be quite the popular little place.  When we arrived, there was a waiting line!  We put our names on the list and were told it would be about 10 minutes or so before we could be seated.  Once our waitress got us settled and returned to take our drink order, she was also kind enough to snap a little picture of us to document our first visit to their establishment.



Me and my Dahlin'



The dining room

I was absolutely flabbergasted with our waitress' speed upon her return with our drinks.  When she set them down on the table, we told her we were ready to order.  She whipped out that little notepad that waitresses use and stood at the ready with her pencil in the air.  Once she got our order down, she disappeared again and before I could turn to say something to my husband, she was back with our salads.  Doesn't this one look yummy?

While we had both ordered salads, I wanted to try a cup of seafood gumbo.  What a treat!  I ended up giving the last half of it to Dahlin' because I wanted to save room for the entree.



Seafood Gumbo

After we enjoyed our salads and my gumbo, we were left to sit for a bit.  I fully expected the waitress to return with our plates of steaming seafood in the same quick manner she had previously served us, but that didn't happen.  Dahlin' and I conversed about the different plates we saw passing us by....humongous plates of stuff mushrooms, fried fish platters piled so high on the plate that it looked as if the tower of fish would topple right off and onto the floor.  We were salivating for what was to come.   

While we waited, we noticed a row of lights above the doors leading to the kitchen.  Each light was a different color....red, yellow, green, and white.  We also observed the waitresses who seemed to be assigned a particular light color.  When the green light would shine, a waitress practically ran to the kitchen and came out with her arms piled high with food.  It took a few moments before I realized that OUR waitress was apparently assigned to the red light.   It lit up twice more before she came to our table with our dinner.   I thought to myself, "What efficiency!"

Dahlin' order Charlie's Seafood Platter and as you can see from the pic, it was LOADED!  I should've gotten a shot from the side so you could get the perspective of just how tall this was!



Charlie's Seafood Platter

I played it safe with four grilled catfish fillets, six grilled shrimp, two hush puppies, bread, and fries.  I also immediately asked for a "to-go" box because I knew there was no way I was gonna make a happy plate.

Grilled Catfish and Grilled Shrimp dinner

In the end, this entire meal costs $48 and some change (minus the $6 tip we left).  I would venture to say that given today's restaurant prices combined with efficient wait staff, our meal at Charlie's was worth every penny.  They serve generous portions as well as tasty entrees and appetizer's.  Compared to Baton Rouge's Brunet's Restaurant, they seem to be just as good (minus the atmosphere) and in a safer urban location (see my post on Date Night: Robbery Excitement).  We will DEFINITELY be going back to try out some of their newer additions to the menu.

Date Night: Copeland's

The hubby came home a little earlier than usual tonight and said, "Honey, do you have plans for tonight?" After thinking a second, it dawned on me that .... NO! I didn't have any plans! No choir practice, no piano lessons, no handbells, no Boy Scouts, nothing!!! Woo Hoo! and so I told him..."No, I don't have plans. Why?"

He says, "Wanna go out?" How romantic huh? "Wanna go out?" .... to which I delightedly answered, "Why Shore!!!"

So, we leave the little ones in charge of the older ones and we head out for a dinner without all the leg tugging and "can I have a bite?"s. Not sure of our destination, we just hit the interstate and pointed the surburban to the west. Hubby mentioned that he was in the mood for some decent seafood. In light of a previous date night experience, he opted to avoid our favorite restaurant, instead choosing a restaurant that we'd never been to.

We ended up at Copeland's of New Orleans over on Essen Lane in Baton Rouge where we were greeted and seated within seconds! Shortly after we were seated (and I do mean very shortly), our waiter, Bryan, joined us to take our drink orders. There were no little containers of sugar, Sweet N Low, or Equal packets on the table....only a drink menu, a candle, and salt & pepper shakers. Nothing else. Honey ordered a draft beer while I ordered a southern sweet tea. If I had spied the previously mentioned packets of artificial sweeteners, I would have ordered an unsweetened tea and used the pink stuff.

Bryan then asked us if we wanted an appetizer to start off with. I chose the Bayou Broccoli since it just looked like an interesting name. I don't have a photo of this appetizer but trust me when I tell you it was delish!!!! The Bayou Broccoli is a ball of broccoli, bacon, and cheese, all rolled up and then deep fried and served with a dipping sauce. They serve 7 of these little hush puppy sized balls. At a cost of $7.49 for this appetizer, that comes to just over $1 per ball. However, they are well worth it! Yum Yum!!!

Hubby chose the Copeland's Famous Fried Seafood Platter ($22.99) which comes with Golden fried oysters (seasonal), shrimp, crawfish tails, crabcake and thin crispy catfish also served with French Fries, thin sliced Onion Rings, and garlic bread. I could not believe the size of this plate when it was set down in front of my husband!! The following photos were taken with hubby's cell phone. Once I purchase my new camera, I will certainly take better quality pictures.

It was my turn next to order my dinner. Knowing that I could not possibly eat as much as my hubby, I chose to experience the Crabcakes and Shrimp Alredo plate which features two fried crabcakes and a handful of shrimp on a bed of angel hair pasta topped with a light shrimp alfredo sauce with a homemade biscuit on the side. May I just say, OH My God!!! this is GOOOOOOOODDD!!! Much more than I could possibly eat. In fact, I picked out the shrimp and ate one of the crabcakes, giving the other one to hubby. The pasta was just the right texture with just the right amount of sauce.

After enjoying all that good southern food, I could not resist tasting one of Copeland's main attractions. A slice of their cheesecake. Hubby said he just didn't have room for dessert but I was determined to try this cheesecake. I ordered the Signature Cheesecake, Copeland's original cheesecake recipe with a buttery pecan crust. With several toppings to choose from, I chose the raspberry sauce. When Bryan served it, he informed me that they usually put whipped cream on top but the whipped cream machine had malfunctioned tonight. I guess that means that I'll have to do without it. After my first bite, I thought, "Who cares about whipped cream! This stuff reminds me of that scene with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in When Harry Met Sally." You know the scene, in the restaurant, where she fakes the .... well, you know! The bottom line is .... I have never in my life ever put anything on my tongue that tastes this good! I didn't even have to chew it. I just let it sit there and melt. Absolute heaven!
After dinner, hubby decided that he wasn't in the mood for our regular after dinner movie. Therefore, we ended up in the toy department at Target, playing with anything that would respond to a pressed button here or a pulled string there. The Toy Story toys are my favorite!!! I ended up pulling out a pen and paper to make a Christmas list for the girls. But ultimately, what fun we had in the toy department acting like little kids again without having the little kids along reminding us to behave like adults!

Then, we headed home. Hubby does still have to go to work tomorrow. I couldn't keep him out all night ya know.

So, there ya go, our date night. If you are ever in the Baton Rouge area, be sure to visit Copeland's for some fine Southern dining!

Date Night: Photo Study

DH and I needed a break last night. It's been a very long week. We usually choose dinner out followed by a movie somewhere. I've really been wanting to see that Julie & Julia movie but DH wasn't in the mood for that last night. He just want to sit, take in the sights, and relax.

So, last night, we opted to try the new La Carreta's in Denham. However, since we couldn't find a parking spot there, we went to our 2nd favorite backup restaurant Don's Seafood Hut. My first favorite is Brunet's in BR but since our last experience there, DH refuses to go back. :(

After dinner, I mentioned the movie but we had about 2 hours to kill before showtime. We decided to go downtown to stroll along the great Mississippi River and walk off all the fried seafood. While there, I took my camera and attempted to try out some new settings that I don't normally use. Like those Low Lighting settings. What a challenge for me!

DH got a little frustrated with me too since I kept pointing the camera at things instead of holding his hand. **eye roll here** Anyway, here are some of the shots I took while out and about. I guess you could call it a Date Night Photo Study. :D

I have a Kodak Easyshare, Z712 IS. The settings on the camera area as follows:

1. Portrait: for full frame photos of people and other subjects
2. Panorama: L-R
3. Panorama: R-L
4. Landscape: Use for distant scenery
5. Night Portrait: Use to capture subject and background.
6. Night Landscape: Use to capture distant scenery at distant
7. Snow: Use for bright snow scene
8. Beach: Use for bright beach scene
9. Text: Use for photos of documents
10. Fireworks
11. Flower: Use for close-up photos in bright light.
12. Manner/Museum: Use when sound and flash are not desired.
13. Children: Use for action photos of children in bright light.
14. Backlight: Use for photos where light is behing subject.
15. Candle Light: Use when capturing in candle light.
16. Sunset: Use in sunset light.
17. High ISO: Use to capture pictures in very low light conditions.
18. M: Manual Settings
19. S: Shutter Priority settings
20. A: Aperture Settings
21. P: Auto settings with exporsure and flash compensation
22. Smart Scene: Camera automatically selects the best scene mode for surroundings
23. Sport: Use when subject is in motion

Now, hubby looked at these photos and mentioned that my aperture settings were off or not set properly. It's an automatic camera, should I need to set settings?

In the following photos of my hubby, I used a different setting for each photo. I think this one was on the Smart Scene setting with no flash. Note the fuzziness.

This one is fuzzy too!

This one was taken with the Night Portrait setting. It automatically flashed.

This was taken with the Night Portrait setting without flash. You can see more detail without the flash but it's also grainy.

Here again is the Smart Setting with flash. Again, note the fuzziness.

I think I went back to the Night Portrait with flash here.

And here.

And here.

And here...

And here again.

Tonight, hubs and I are going out for a walk in the dark. I'm gonna play with the settings some more. One think I've noticed about my camera, the automatic flash isn't popping up like it should. But it will open if I help it with a fingernail. I think I have a stuck latch or something.

Guess I need to sign up for a photograph class. Hmmm.

Date Night: Robbery Excitement

DH had been calling me several times during the day. Did I want to go out with him tonight? I was excited! Usually, I'm the one planning our dates. However, today, it was him! We decided to go out to a local restaurant that's been in the area forwhat seems like FOREVER! Brunet's Cajun Restaurant.

This place has wonderful fried seafood with a Cajun flair. The service is great, the atmosphere is relaxed, the food is outstanding, the helpings are overwhelmingly generous! If you are a fried seafood fan, this is the place for you. Although, there are SOME healthy options on the menu as well.Your waiter will start off with your drinks, followed by a bowl of hot hush puppies (fried bread). Then she/he will take your dinner order.

One of my FAVORITE appetizers is the Little Stuffed Bread. It looks like a dinner roll stuffed with a filling of crawfish or shrimp and then deep fried. Absolutely to die for!!! If you want a simple meal without all the calories, just ask for the Little Stuffed Bread with a salad and a bowl of gumbo and you're set!

I LOVE the shrimp dinner. It comes with a shrimp salad, bowl of gumbo, shrimp etoufee, fried shrimp, boiled shrimp, shrimp au gratin, 1 stuffed shrimp, and another bowl of shrimpy something but the name escapes me right now. Be sure to ask for a to go box when your meal is served because there is no way you're gonna clean your plate in one sitting.

Our tummies full of not so healthy fried Cajun seafood and several glasses of iced tea, DH and I exit the restaurant to head home. Since he'd been driving all day for his job, he opted to be a passenger instead. We got to my surburban where I got into the driver's side seat. He opened the back passenger side door and noticed the glass. My purse was gone. The purse that I had THOUGHT about taking inside with me but decided against because....after all....there's nothing in that thing that anybody could actually want! Hah!

He says, "Where's your purse?" and I turned to see him and all the glass and I say, "Where's my purse!!!???" Then he says, "Cynthia, go inside and talk to the manager. I'm calling the police." An hour later, we're still patiently waiting for an officer to arrive. In the meantime, hubs had his copies of all credit cards so we spent our time on the phone getting all accounts closed/cancelled. That part wasn't that difficult. It's a good thing he had his cards with him. I was more concerned about my checkbook, son's social security benefit check that I hadn't deposited yet, and much, much later I remembered that my wedding ring was in that purse! I didn't have much cash in the purse as I had just emptied it of all pocket change. My GPS navigator was also taken. My bank debit cards were in my back pocket since they are what I use MOST of the time.

The officer arrives, we file the report, officer R. Simoneaux goes down into the canal that runs alongside the restaurant. He shines his flashlight around a bit and looks for my brown purse that's gonna miraculously appear in the dark weeds.

At this point, I'm livid and shaking. I even felt a bit nauseous. If I could only get my hands around the neck of the jerk, kid, drug addict, whoever.....Why do I feel this way? It's only a purse! I can certainly relate to the vigilantes of the world now!

The report filed, the theories discussed, we said our goodnight's to the officer and headed home. FINALLY. Arriving home, the very first thing I do is sit down at the computer and began researching what to do about stolen social security numbers. Learning that there's NOTHING you can do through Social Security . gov, I start looking up the credit bureau info.

I'm concentrating on that at 11:45 p.m. when my house telephone rings. Not recognizing the number on Caller ID, I ALMOST didn't answer it. But curiosity got the better of me.

"Hello?"

"Is this Mrs. Cynthia?"

"Yes it is"

"My name is Chris and my wife and I found.....Did you lose a purse?"

Me, excitedly...."YES, YES I DID!"

Chris proceeds to inform me that he and his wife were looking for moving boxes in dumpsters and he found my purse sitting on the top of a lot of garbage about 3 blocks away from the restaurant!!! He told me that he had gotten my phone number off the checkbook.

So, anyway, to make a long, long story short....My purse was returned to me approx 4 hours after it was stolen. Checkbook, credit cards, and son's undeposited Soc Sec check were still in it. My wedding band, ALL cash (even down to whatever pennies was in there), and the GPS navigator are still missing.

Now, off to file a claim with the insurance company to get that back window replaced.

Ahhhh, date night with hubby. I think it'll be a while before we go out again.

"My Husband Rocks" Fridays

Late, late last night as I was trying to get a stuffy headed kid to sleep, I saw this commercial on TV. It started out with a fella and his girlfriend, strolling along while holding hands. He stops, gets down on one knee and proceeds to propose to her. She responds by getting this horrified look on her face and pulls away from him. Along comes a "knight in shining armor" if you will, to rescue her from this proposterous proposal. He K.O.'s the proposer. Then he turns to address the camera and begins his dialogue with something like, "Marriage is the leading cause of divorce." He goes on to advertise an online hook up site for those single persons who don't want a serious relationship. I thought to myself, "What in the world?" What's this world coming to? Oh, yeah, I forgot, it's the lack of mutual respect between to people. It's the "live and let live", "every man for himself", "It's all about ME!" attitudes.


What does the above have to do with the following? I dunno. I just thought I'd mention it. So, anyway, I found this Meme while blog surfing. I decided that it would be a great way to focus on some of my husband's positive traits if only once a week. Katy Lin was inspired to start this weekly lifting up of her husband and has invited married bloggers everywhere to do the same. Every Friday, she says she will post a story, photo, or quote about how her husband rocks.


I started mine with Our 1st Valentine's post yesterday. I hope to continue this every Friday. I might even start doing the Love Dare, but I'll save those thoughts for another post.

My Husband Rocks: Our 1st Valentine's

The first Valentine's that DH and I spent together was really pretty cool. At the time, I had one of those 9 - 5 jobs. I had mentioned to him how much I enjoy musicals and I think I had even hinted to him that there was one I wanted to see on stage at the Saenger Theatre in New Orleans. As it turned out, The Phantom of the Opera was playing.

It was Friday, Feb 10, 1995. My older kids, DQ and The Teen, were going to stay with their biological father for the weekend. I left work a little early in order to get to the front of the herd on the interstate and get the kid's to their dad's house. I got back to my apartment and prepped for a shower. I was STARVING for dinner but knew I wouldn't have time to eat anything AND get dressed. Just as I stepped out of the shower I heard a knock at the door.

I donned my robe and opened the door. There stood my date, dressed in a suit and tie, with a bouquet of roses and a styrofoam dinner box. He had arrived early! Leaving him in the dining room, I retreated to my room to finish getting dressed. I had chosen a sweet little short sleeved black dress. The dress was a solid black tank style dress with lace sleeves decorated with a little bow on the outside. A matching bow was at my waist. When I returned to the dining room, he had set my plate, lit a candle, and put the roses in a vase. Wasn't that sweet?

Still concerned I wouldn't have time to eat, he insisted that I sit down and partake of the meal. He said he had already eaten and we wouldn't have time to stop on the way to New Orleans. As we drove, I actually leaned my head back to take a nap! I was so tired from not sleeping the night before due to my excitement!

Upon arrival, we found a parking garage, parked the truck, and proceeded on to stand outdoors (it was cold!!!) to wait until the doors opened so we could get to our seats. We went in, found our tiny little theatre seats, and sat. Since it was my first time ever at the Saenger, I was looking all around admiring the architecture and decor of this old building. Then I noticed the ceiling. I kept staring at it trying to figure out if we were outdoors or indoors! The ceiling was dark and had little twinkling lights on it that looked just like the night sky. It took me quite some time to figure out that we were indoors and the ceiling was just decorated to look that way. It was beautiful!

I really enjoyed see the Phantom of the Opera. When it was over, we had to leave. I really didn't want to but I had to work the next morning so getting home was a bit of a priority for me. We got back to the truck and headed on our way. DH asked me to get a small box out from under the seat. I reached under to get it and pulled out a small, gift wrapped package. He said, "Happy Valentine's Day! That's for you!" I was thrilled that not only had he fed me and taken me to see one of my favorite stage musicals, but he got me a little gift too!

Turns out it was a CD of the Phantom's songs! I popped it into the CD player and relived the evening all over again on the ride home. What a wonderful First Valentine's together!!!

Happy Valentine's Day ya'll!

Date Night: Overnighter!

Had dinner at Don's Seafood Hut. DH had the seafood platter and I gorged myself on the Shrimp Platter.


We then discussed going to see a movie but decided that due to our distended bellies, we needed to exercise some of our dinner away. So, off to play some mini golf. We played 2 games. I won the first one on the EASY course. Then he beat the socks off me on the MODERATE course. Makes me wanna go, "Hmmmmmm."

Then we had brekkie at Cracker Barrel old country store. Again, I gorged myself and have decided to start my Nutrisystem stuff again. Just as soon as I get all my cravings out of the way.

Well, that's it for our date night. It sure was good to get away from the kiddos for a while!

How We Met

At the ripe old age of 27, I had just gone through a divorce and was feeling kinda lonely. Our local newspaper used to have a personal ad section where one could place an ad and be assigned a voice mail box. Interested persons could call the listed phone number and access the voice mail box to leave a message. Well, I placed an ad. Actually, I placed a couple of ads. The first one read something like:

Scarlett seeks her Rhett – SWF yada yada yada

I had a strategy when I would respond to the fellas who responded to my ad.
Step 1: Use a payphone to return their call in order to prevent any weirdos from finding my residence through Caller ID.
Step 2: If he sounded nice, agree to a meeting. If he sounded strange or had strange ideas, end of conversation.
Step 3: Meeting the fella involved some deception, yeah yeah, I know….what a way to start a relationship, but I felt justified due to the many weirdos I had met. Anyway, they would usually suggest meeting over a cup of coffee at McDonald’s or Denny’s.

I would tell them to meet me outside by a newspaper stand, or something else that I had previously chosen, at a certain time. I would tell them I’d be driving a brown Chevy Nova. The truth is, I was driving a tiny baby blue Toyota Corolla. When I pulled up in the parking lot, I could spot him looking for me. He wasn’t hard to miss. If he looked a bit odd or creepy in anyway, I kept going and never looked back. Since he was looking for a Chevy Nova, he didn’t know it was me. He would also never hear from me again. I justified this move by telling myself that I’ve been stood up so much, why not turn the tables a bit?  What's good for the Gander is good for the Goose, right?

If he appeared to be an okay guy, then I would stop and go through with the meeting. I’d explain the different car by telling him my Chevy Nova had issues and I had to borrow my sister’s car or something like that. It wasn’t exactly a lie. I did have a Chevy Nova sitting in the back yard at my dad’s house. It didn’t run anymore. I hadn’t driven it in over a year.

Okay, so, we’d meet and talk etc. Usually, I’d see him again once or twice but then I’d find some flaw I didn’t care for.


Fast forward a year, I had placed another ad. This one read, “Husband Wanted” and I listed the specifics I was looking for in a man.  Things like, "must make $60,000 + per year", "must love children, pets, and outdoor activities, etc". You know, specific criteria that he must meet for the job of being my husband. Sort of like a classified ad for a new employee.  I got a LOT of replies to this ad and to my surprise many were from police officers or men in other areas of caregiving (i.e. firefighters, paramedics, etc.). BUT there was this one man who called and left a message on my voice mail. There was something about his voice, about the way he spoke with calmness and assurity that attracted me.

I called him back, using my previously mentioned telephone routine. After a few pay phone conversations, I felt comfortable enough to give him my home phone number. For two weeks, we conversed every night after I put my then 7 y.o. daughter and 1 y.o. son to bed. Finally, he asked me to meet him for dinner at Mulate’s. I was so excited! MULATE’S! I was so impressed! He was the first to ever suggest a REAL restaurant vs. Denny’s, McDonald’s, or Waffle House! Although I was a little hesitant, I agreed to meet him. We prepared ourselves for a disappointing first meeting….well, I did anyway. We decided that if “sparks” didn’t fly, we could still consider ourselves good friends having a dinner together.

At 8 p.m. that Friday night, I drove up in my little blue Toyota Corolla. I saw a nice looking gentleman sitting on the tailgate of his pick up truck in the parking lot, under one of the lights, just as I had requested.  I parked across from him but positioned my little Toyota so that I could adjust my rear view mirror to check him out a little more while I touched up my lipstick.

I looked around the parking lot and didn’t see anyone else looking like they were waiting for someone. I decided this must be the man I had been conversing with on the phone. That …. and the fact that he was sitting on the tailgate of the truck he described to me.

Finally, I got brave enough to exit my car and approach him. He was looking at his feet. He was wearing cowboy boots, Wrangler jeans, and a nice striped Wrangler western style shirt. No hat. He was a bit taller than me and made me feel small and delicate. So far, so good!

So I walk up to him, ducking my head a little to look up at him and I say, “Are you the one I’m looking for?”. He looks up, smiles at me with a twinkle in his bright blue eyes, places his hand over his heart, and replies, “God, I sure hope so!”. Wow, that was it. I was sunk. Right then and there!  I had passed the point of no return!

We went into the restaurant and took our sweet time eating our dinner. I can’t remember what he ordered, and I can’t remember the name of what I ordered. However, it was fried catfish smothered with crawfish etouffee’. Yummy! We ate some, danced a little to the music that was provided by a Cajun band, and we talked a lot more. He asked me about my Toyota and why I was driving it instead of the Chevy. There was just something about him….I told him about my scheme. I didn’t feel the need to lie to him at all. Just tell him the truth, openly and honestly. Though he didn’t approve of a false beginning, he did understand my position.

We had previously agreed that if there were no “sparks” when we met, then we would end our date and consider that we had made a new friend. If there WERE “sparks”, we would continue with our time together by going to see a movie. As we left the restaurant, I was feeling a little like this attraction was only one-sided even after the positive beginning to the evening. He was walking ahead of me, not beside me, and I was beginning to turn toward my car. As I took a few steps in that direction, I told him that it was nice to have met him and I said good night. He got this “What?” look on his face before reaching for my hand and asking, “Weren’t we going to see a movie?” to which I replied, “Well, sure, I guess!”

Leaving my car in the restaurant parking lot, we rode in his truck off to the movie theatre to see Forrest Gump. I had already seen the movie three times but I was looking forward to seeing it again with him. We arrived at the movie theatre a bit early. We bought the tickets and went to our seats where we waited until the lights went down and the movie began. While we waited, we had yet another deep conversation …. about footwear! All kinds and styles of footwear!  Boots, tennis shoes, sandals, heels, hiking shoes, etc.  During the movie, since I'd seen it 3 times, I kind of knew the script a little and kept leaning over to say the words just before the actor said them.  He didn't say anything to me about it but kept giving me one of those  "I'm gonna get you back for that" looks.  After the movie, we went for dessert at yet another restaurant, walked on the river walk downtown, and spent some time at the casino. Suddenly it was 3 a.m.!! It was time for this Cinderella to go home!

To make a long story short, we were married on his birthday, Nov. 15, 1997. He said he couldn’t ask for a better birthday gift. Now isn’t that just the sweetest thing!?

Creative and Frugal Dating Ideas

After having just finished a bible study at church (Men are like Waffles, Women are Spaghetti), I felt inspired to share a few ideas on creative dating. If you’ve read any of my earlier posts, you will find that I tend to whine about my husband’s faults. However, he has his good points too. After all, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with him if he didn’t. He is a good man and provider for our little family. He’s also pretty romantic and makes time for us to have date nights at least once a month. Here are some ideas for other couples out there who have gotten tired of the same ol’ dinner and movie type dates.

1. Go Hiking. Bring a picnic lunch or dinner.
2. Pretend you’re looking to buy an expensive house and go to open houses. You may want to research for some ahead of time.
3. Explore a local flea market.
4. Get disposable cameras and go sight-seeing in your town.
5. Ride the bus around the city.
6. Have a dinner of miniature foods. Eat on small plates.
7. Read children’s books to each other at the library.
8. Have a progressive fast food dinner (Breadsticks @ Fazoli’s, Salad @ Wendy’s, etc.)
9. Create thank you cards and mail them to servicemen.
10. Go to the parish courthouse and watch a trial in session.
11. Take a tour of a local factory. Call ahead for an appointment.
12. Go out to breakfast on a weekday before work. To save even more, take breakfast with you for a picnic.
13. Go to a wedding reception for someone you don’t know.
14. Take a nature walk and collect bits of what you see. Make a collage or vase arrangement.
15. Use the internet to find an interesting museum.
16. Donate blood together.
17. Go to an interesting location like a gazebo, a park lake, or parking lot and order a pizza.
18. Buy flowers, take them home, and make arrangements together.
19. If you have a downtown area in your city, hang out there on a Saturday. Visit a café for lunch and browse the shops.
20. Fly kites.
21. Be kids again. Play hopscotch, go to a park, order happy meals, etc.
22. Put together an obstacle course or crazy Olympics.
23. Go to a conservatory if there is one in your area.
24. Take a drive – If you live in a big city, drive out of town to a more rural location. Have a picnic or eat at a small café.
25. Watch the stars. You could go on a normal night or plan ahead to see a meteor shower or comet.
26. Go to a farm where you can pick your own fresh fruit. Take what you picked back home and make a pie or other dessert.
27. Write a script for a short movie, play, or musical. Videotape your production and watch your performance together.
28. Go to a performance at your local bookstore. Borders and Barnes & Noble both have small musical groups performing periodically – and it’s free!
29. Attend the local high school’s musical.
30. Chalk attack someone’s house. Use sidewalk chalk to write funny messages and draw silly pictures on the driveway and walkways.
31. Browse art galleries. The galleries that sell their art are usually free.
32. Take a visit to your state’s capitol. Take a guided tour, or just walk around and read monuments.
33. Go for a bike ride.
34. Go to a public place. Take turns painting pictures of each other, while the other person poses as the subject.?
35. Take a video camera with you and interview people off the streets. You could make it funny by asking questions everyone should know the answer to, like: “Who is the vice president of the United States?” You might be surprised at the answers you get!
36. Play a sport together (tennis, soccer, basketball, etc.)
37. Volunteer together at a homeless shelter or food bank. Look for listings in the phone book or call to ask if they need help.
38. Take turns teaching each other something new. For instance, one person could teach how to change a flat tire, and the other could teach how to make a favorite dessert.
39. Find a muddy area, dress in shabby clothes, and have a mud fight.
40. Go to a poetry reading. You could even participate if you want to.
41. Wash your cars together.
42. Play video games.
43. Go to the mall or a thrift store and try on outrageous clothes that you would never buy.
44. Have your own decathalon. Some ideas for events are: hula hoops, jumprope, foot-racing, crab walks, etc.
45. Have your own private dance in a parking lot. Turn the music on in your car and leave the doors open. (My honey actually did this in the middle of a country road on a sunshiney day...the song was Tracy Byrd's "Keeper of the Stars!")
46. Go to a video arcade.
47. Feed the ducks at a lake.
48. Have a night-in watching a romantic movie and feeding each other strawberries.
49. If you don’t have kids of your own, borrow someone else’s! Take a kid to the park to play!
50. Visit waterfalls – Put a map together of nearby waterfalls and spend your day hiking to each one. Bring a picnic lunch and eat beside a waterfall. (Tunica Hills has waterfalls!)
51. Go Fishing in the Dark – Head out on a boat for romantic fishing by moonlight.
52. Spa Night – Have a spa night together, complete with massages, oils, and sensual bubble baths.
53. WalMart Toys – Go to a 24 hour walmart late at night and play with the toys and chase each other around (with toy guns, etc.)
54. Garden Together – Get outdoors and dirty. Gardening is peaceful, relaxing, and a perfect activity to share with someone you love. If there’s still a chill in the air where you live, move the gardening indoors. Plant something together and watch it grow, just like your love for each other. Awwww.
55. Ice Skating is always fun!
56. Football on TV – Pick up some takeout and cuddle on the couch during the game. Sneak a kiss for every first down. Or, for every point scored, take a pc of clothing off!
57. Play Tag – raise the stakes a with a game of strip tag. Whenever your tagged – a pc of clothing comes off!
58. Visit fountains – Put together a map of all the fountains in your city or a nearby bigger city then spend the afternoon visiting each fountain
59. Race remote control cars in the park – Winner picks your lunch date..
60. Send your honey on a scavenger hunt with him/her ending up at a hotel for an evening of romance for the two of you

There’s also a couple of really cool websites for you to browse for more ideas. Check out http://www.lovingyou.com/ and http://www.coolestdates.com/. Enjoy your time together!!