Dear Charlie,
Everything lately feels like it’s shifting - but not in a chaotic way. More like the ground moving just enough to remind me I’m not standing still anymore. And somehow, in the middle of all that, I feel steady.
It’s been a full stretch of days since March 22. The kind where life doesn’t just move forward—it shifts under your feet a little.
I think the biggest thing… I’m getting ready to leave. Temporarily.
I’ve got a job lined up in New York with Barnhart Energy. It looks like it’ll be about eight months. That still feels strange to say out loud. Me… going that far, that long, alone.
Part of me is excited. Part of me is nervous. And part of me is just… steady. Like this is something I’m supposed to do.
But I sure wish you were here to share it with.
I’ve been trying to figure out the logistics of it all - whether to drive my little car with all those miles on it or fly and figure things out once I get there. Our mechanic, Brian (you remember him?), basically gave me that look… the one that says, “I wouldn’t push it.” So I’m weighing it all out carefully.
You’d probably tell me not to be stubborn about that.
I even walked into the bank to see about rolling my small loan into something bigger - just to give myself a cushion for the move. Left my name. Still waiting to hear from them.
Health-wise, I’ve been looking at my labs and my medications. Nothing scary, but enough to make me pay attention. I told them flat out - I don’t want to go on a statin. I’d rather handle things another way if I can. You know me… I’ll try to do it the natural way first, even in the middle of a big life change.
I’ve also been thinking ahead about how to manage everything while I’m gone - my prescriptions, my CPAP, all the little things that don’t seem like much until you’re 1,000 miles from home.
I tried DoorDashing for a minute - just to see if it was worth it. Made a little money, but not enough for the miles I put on the car. It reminded me that not every opportunity is a good one, even if it looks easy on the surface.
I got my tax summary pulled together and sent off to the CPA. That felt good - like closing a loop, even if I’m still going to owe a chunk in the end.
And then there was today… today was different.
I went to a memorial service with Dana. I went for her. That was my whole reason. She was stressed knowing Thomas would be there with his new girlfriend. The service was for his mother, Linda - her birthday, actually. She would have been 75.
Dana had a hard time. She couldn’t stop watching them - him and Angie - holding hands through the service. You could see it weighing on her.
But then something unexpected happened. Thomas hugged Dana. Not just a quick hug - a long one. And he told her they would talk later.
I don’t know what that means. Maybe nothing. Maybe something. But it sure stirred things up in her.
I just stayed beside her. That’s all I could do. Just be there.
I think you would’ve been proud of how I handled that. I didn’t get pulled into it. I didn’t try to fix anything. I just stood steady for her.
That seems to be the theme right now… steady.
Even with everything changing, everything uncertain - I feel more grounded than I expected to.
I miss you in moments like this. In the decisions. In the quiet drives. In the “what would Charlie say” thoughts that still come up.
But I also feel like… I’m doing okay.
Maybe even better than okay.
Just taking it one step at a time.
Loving and missing you always,
Me
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