2018 Feb 17 - Two weeks

Two weeks ago, I held your hand, heard your voice, and kissed your lips for one last time.  Two weeks.

I miss you so much.  I miss the way you used to say I was so gullible.  I miss the way you used to say that I had the most kissable lips.  I miss your teasing.  Your goosing my butt.  Your big hairy arms around me.  The look in your eyes when you would say, "I feel a stirrin' in my loins."

I know this blog post will be read by others.  Probably church people.  I don't care.  We had private moments but I want to remember them and the only way I can is by typing or writing them down.  I don't want to hide them.

I brought your ashes home yesterday.  I didn't expect them to be so heavy.  You weight about the same as a good sized cinder block.  Maybe I SHOULD have expected it.

I'm wracking my brain trying to remember all the fun things we did together.  Just daily activities and little things you used to say.

Remembering our How We Met story to the old Cemetery dates to the dancing by the roadside in the middle of nowhere.

Remembering our first weekend together.  We met on a Friday night, then went to New Orleans and Gramercy for the bonfires on the levee.  I remember you getting a little aggravated at me because I don't do PDA.  I remember the extensive one-sided telephone conversations we had. Then our many, many dates.

We got married in the backyard Gazebo of a local JP followed by a "reception" at Chuck E. Cheese's when we went to my nephew's birthday party.  LOL  We had many weekends away, going to Cozumel for our 10th wedding anniversary. You didn't want to do a cruise.  You said, "I work offshore and you wanna take a CRUISE?"  And you went anyway.  It was my first ever cruise.

A few years later, we went to New Orleans via Amtrak.  It was my first ever train ride and though it was short, it was great!  We walked ALL OVER the French Quarter! 

You took me and the girls to Alaska for 2 weeks during our summer vacation.  It was my first ever plane ride!  I remember how you laughed at me when we first took off from New Orleans and then HOW YOU LAUGHED when we landed in Houston! 

I remember arguments in the truck on the way back from an inspection job in Birmingham, Alabama.  Oh, how we argued that day.  We never argued much but on THAT day it was bad.  We got home and we were both acting like idiots.  I reached over to flick you ball cap of your heard and apparently I hit your glasses too.  You went after me like a linebacker.  You never hit me, but you made your point clear, you'd had enough.  The girls got scared and ran out of the house. 

Then we calmed down and talked to the girls about our behavior and how the way were acting was wrong.  I was so proud that we could do that together and show them a unified team.  We never acted that way again. 

I'm scared to be alone now.  I'm scared that I'll be alone for the rest of my living life.  I know I can't have you back, but what do I do now?  I miss you.  I'll miss and love you forever.

Love,

Sunshine