Today is 3 weeks since you've been gone. This weekend, the girls went on a youth retreat and I packed up and went to Dana's. I could not stay here alone without you. I cry at the most random times now but usually just when I'm driving or during the music at church.
Friday night, I had been invited to a LuLaRoe party. I went and spent $250. I could just hear you getting mad about it. I'm sorry I wasn't very frugal but I needed some new clothes. After that, I drove down to Dana's where I just visited with her for a while before I went to sleep in Remi's bed. I did not sleep well at all. I think I finally dozed off around 4:30 a.m.
Saturday Dana and I then went out to eat breakfast at Frank's restaurant. I was so excited to see they had a Trim Healthy Mama option on the menu! I order scrambled eggs and steamed veggies. It was very yummy! After that, we drove to the house where I did a little kitchen cleaning. I held your box for a few minutes before I did the cleaning though. I sat there and held your box and cried. I'm so tired of crying but it happens and the most random times. It just sneaks up on me and takes over and there's nothing I can do about it. After I regained control of my emotions, I got busy cleaning the kitchen.
Cleaning out the fridge was hard. I had to throw out the last things you cooked for us. The red beans and rice and the jambalaya. It was growing fuzzy mold and had to go. I started crying again. I miss you so much.
I managed to finish the fridge and start a load of dishes in the dishwasher. Then I swept and mopped the kitchen. Then it was time to go.
Dana and I then went to Juban Crossing where I shopped for some blue jeans. The ones I've been wearing were getting pretty baggy. I bought TWO pair of SIZE 16 jeans! You'd be so proud! you were always teasing me about my disappearing rear end. Well, it's shrinking for sure now! I also bought two pair of everyday wear shoes. My sneakers are gonna be used for treadmill walking at Anytime Fitness (starting tomorrow). I know how you'd hate that. I'm sorry. I have to get healthy for the girls.
After shopping, Dana and I went to Movie Tavern where we saw the movie Samson. Before the movie started, I got all weird and started telling this lovely couple about you and how you've gone. I told them to love and treasure each other and advised them that if they didn't have a life insurance policy that they needed to get one. I told them to never take a single minute for granted. I wish we could have had more dates like they were on.
After that awkward and weird widow moment, we ordered out Movie Tavern food. We decided to split a Pulled Pork plate with fries and 2 drinks. Then we ordered a bucket of popcorn too. Dana is BAD about crunching that popcorn!!! AND also during the movie, Dana ended up spilling her drink right in my lap! I don't think I'm gonna go to any more movies with her!
So, after the movie, we decided to go back to her house in Gonzales, change into something more comfy, and go to the casino. First, we stopped and bought some lottery tickets (Lotto and Powerball) and then we went on to the casino where it did not take long to lose $200 on the penny slots. Then we went back home.
I got in bed and I believe I actually passed right out! I remember seeing 11:30 on the clock. The next think I remember is getting up at 3:30 to go to the bathroom. Then I woke up at 8 to get ready for church.
Sunday - I was okay up until I left Dana's to head to church. Then I cried the entire drive there. It was hard to see the road through the tears as I drove. I was late getting there and had to drive all around the parking lot to find a space. Mr. Lonnie came out and told me to just park at the end of the row. By the time I got into the building, the music part of the service was over and the preacher was just getting started. I did good!!! NO TEARS!!! Not through the sermon anyway! BUT when the music started at the end, so did the waterworks!!! WHAT!?
Then the music stopped and I was able to stop crying. We had to vote on the new preacher so we sat there for a while. There was a guy sitting on the same row that caught my eye and I went and did something stupid. I approached him, introduced myself, and then asked him, "So, do you come here often?" I mean, really? How much more stupid can that sound!? Then I tried to back out of the situation by over-explaining myself making the awkward even worse! What was I thinking? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I guess I just wanted SOMEONE to get a twinkle in his eye when he looked at me. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I just miss you so much!
After church, I drove the girls to grab lunch at Sonic. Mariah sassed me and I had to remind her that you're not around anymore for me to call and talk to her. She started crying and yelling at me. The food arrived at the truck door and I then headed to Live Oak for their special choir practice that had been scheduled.
I had 2 hours to kill so I went and cleaned out your truck cab. Then I got the girls from rehearsal and came straight back home where I met your sister Geri and her husband Gary. Gary did some sort of paper clip test on the truck to check a relay or switch for the A/C. He also put a battery charger on the motor home so we can try to start it. We walked around and looked through all your stuff and decided to start a scrap metal pile. There's not much steel around but a lot of light weight stuff that can be hauled off for a few pennies. There's a lot of other stuff that can just be trash also. Gary has offered to help me pile it up and haul it off. We'll get this place cleaned up. It's gonna look good soon and I think you'll like it! I love you and miss you!!!
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