Hey Baby. I'm so sorry I've ignored the writing this week. I've been so busy. On Monday, your sister and her husband came and worked most of the day gathering up some more scrap iron. It was the 3rd trailer load!! Then your other sister came out to help and ended up in the ER due to a fainting spell she had. She checked out okay.
During the time they were here, I went to a widow's lunch. A bunch of us widows sat around moaning and groaning about how hard life is now. Well, I didn't do that but I listened to it. I know everyone does things differently, but I can't sit around moaning and groaning. I need to move forward. I don't want to be like some older women I know. When you asked them how they were doing, you got the Oh Poor Pitiful Me speech and then you get to hear allll about their aches and pains. I don't have the energy for that.
On Tuesday, Samantha called and needed a ride to the gas station where their truck was stranded. I got there, and we had to wait for the tow truck. While waiting, she was on the phone with her dad. I was dozing a little bit. I overheard her talking mechanical stuff with her dad and in my slumber began to form a question for her to ask you. The question was, "How do we start the motorhome?" See, Gary came out and put a charger on the battery. He checked all the fuses. The stupid thing will not start and we can't figure out why.
I also stopped by the mechanics shop on the way home to get a quote on what all needs to be done to your truck. I really just need the A/C done but it's gonna cost $900 ... or at least that's what the guy quoted me. Then I asked about that check engine light. He put his thing on the truck and then came back and said...".Heater core ($1000) then the evap system: Purge Solenoid ($161), Vapor
Canister Vent Solenoid ($262), and Vapor Canister ($390). Plus an
upcoming brake job ($?) and it needs new tires (abt $700)". Soooo, then he advised me to be looking for another vehicle. Says this one isn't worth putting the money into it. What would you recommend I sell the thing for?
On Wednesday morning, I think you paid me a visit. I woke up at 4:30 to the smell of coffee brewing. Did you stop by? I finally went back to sleep, after checking the kitchen, and both girls came to me complaining of stomach aches. I figured it might be viral, so I let them stay home. We all 3 slept until 11. They never threw up or anything so, I concluded they just needed a Mental Health day. We got up and went to eat lunch at G&J's, and then we went to my Ballroom Dance lesson in Hammond where they got to meet my instructor. After that, we drove back to Walker for Mariah's guitar lesson and church.
Thursday morning, there were no coffee smells. I missed it. I miss you. I started thinking about and planning that road trip you wanted to go on so badly. I'm still trying to work out the logistics. I was thinking about taking your truck, but at 146,000 miles, it may not be a good idea. I'm waiting for your Death Certificate to come in so I can start the Succession stuff. Since we don't have much, I predict it won't take long for everything to happen, unless someone throws a kink in the mix. Anyway, once all the title transfers are done, then I can possibly trade both vehicles in for a crossover ....and we'll be good to go for a road trip. That's the plan anyway. And you and I know how things happen to well laid plans, don't we?
A few of my Facebook memory things popped up the other day and I was reminded of all the lunches we enjoyed at the area hole in the wall restaurants! Then I was reminded of all the cemeteries you and I strolled through. You're the only man I've ever known who enjoyed walking through spooky old cemeteries. I miss that about you. I wish we had been able to do more but I know how much pain you were in with your back. I know how excited you were about that surgery. I'm so sorry things didn't work out the way we had planned.
I also saw a video I had made of me singing a song, badly, to you while you were driving us somewhere. I loved the look you gave me as I was singing it. You tried to hide a smile but I saw it! I know you were laughing inside!
Anway, after all that, I went ahead to the gym and worked out for an hour, hung out at the library for an hour, then got lunch at G&J's (AGAIN) and came home and sat at the end of our muddy driveway, arguing with myself for an hour about coming inside the house. I didn't want to.
On Friday, I woke up all depressed, sad, lonely, emotional, heartbroken, incomplete, you name it, I was feeling it. I am also experiencing what they call Widow Brain, it's a phenomenon that occurs after the shock of suddenly losing a loved one. Why do they call it a LOSS? I know where you are, therefore, I have not LOST you. Anyway, speaking of Loss, on Saturday, Mar 3, I lost the Suburban keys. I had started the Suburban and let it run for a bit. Then, I don't know what happened to the keys. I lost them .... or maybe you hid them? from me?
So, anyway, on Friday after waking up all depressed, I cried around the house before I left it, went out to the truck and decided I needed to clean the back of it out. I got Daddy's yellow wagon thing and pulled it out there. Then I climbed up in the back and started tossing stuff. Can I just tell you how surprised I was to find the Suburban keys under some old rusty brake pads in the back of your truck? How did those get THERE? Now, I'm more convinced that you actually hid them from me last weekend!
After that, I went to the gym to work out. I'd backed a bag with a change of clothes so I could get to my appointment after the work out. I got to the gym, walked in, sat the bag down to get my sneakers, and they weren't there. I'd left them at home. So much for a work out. Can't do anything barefoot at the gym. :( So, I went ahead and changed my clothes and went to the library for a while. Then I had my counseling appointment. The funeral home called around that time and told me your Death Certficates had come in and I could go pick them up. I waited for the girls to get home and then drove down to the funeral home. The Death Certificates were messed up so I sent them back to be corrected. I'm so mad about that! Does anyone do their job anymore!? Where did they get the info tey printed on the DC the first time around? Cuz it wasn't from me!!
Yesterday, I woke up and saw a memory on Facebook about our mystery dates. I'm really missing those mystery dates. I miss everything about you, I miss your smell, I miss your arms, I miss your jokes, I miss the way you'd laugh when you got tickled over something.
Remember how we talked about doing outdoor stuff like that again? I remember doing all that in our beginning but I guess we got busy with life. From now on I will plan outdoor outings for the girls every weekend. So, last night, the girls and I went on our first outing. We went on a twilight canoe ride. It was wonderful but I missed you. I know you were there in the soft Gulf breeze, in the croak of the cricket frogs, in the stars. You were there. But not in the way I wanted. I want you here with me now, physically. I want your arms around me again. I miss you so damned much!
No comments:
Post a Comment