2018, Mar 13 - The Gov't Called

Hey honey,

Let me tell you what happened yesterday.  Well, first, the girls got off to school and I laid in bed and cried a while.  Then I got up and got my things together to go work out.  You hated the idea of paying for a gym membership but I really think this is good for me right now.  I walked 30 minutes on the treadmill, then did some leg weights and glute exercises.  Then I took at shower and got dressed in jeans and a floral top because I didn't want to go home.  I pretended I had other appointments.  Evenutally though, I had to go home to be there for the girls when they got off the bus.

I checked the mail.  There were 2 letters from the bank.  Each one referencing the Social Security deposit that was made on Feb 21.  This was the first deposit after your death.  Well, to make a long story short.  The Government wants that deposit back.  So, I gave it back.  Now, I can only hope that I get paper work and applications done in time for the Mar deposit.  If not, I don't know what I'm going to do until the 3rd week of April.

Then, I took the girls to their Chorale rehearsal.  They have choir festival this week.  You'd be so proud of how far they've come in this little bit of time.  They are absolute angels, Charlie.  We did good!

This morning, I woke up, and couldn't get out of the bed.  I just laid there and cried and cried until about noon.  Then, I HAD to get up because I had to get dressed and pick the girls up from school.  I had a dance lesson scheduled and would be much later than normal getting home.  So, they went with me and just sat in the waiting area at the dance studio.  How many times did I sit in waiting areas for them?  It's their turn!

After that, I reached for the phone to call you and then realizing I couldn't, I cried the entire drive back to town.  Took M2 to her Talent Theater rehearsal and then M1 and I just sat in the truck for a while before going back to G&J's for burgers and fries until it was time to go back and pick up M2.

Then we came home.

That's it.  That's our big exciting 2 days.  It would be so much better if you were here.

Kyle told me about a dream he had of you the other night.  He said we were having a family gathering under one of Daddy's sheds.  There were folding chairs all around.  He said you came around the corner and sat in a chair beside him.  You were wearing a bright yellow shirt and jeans.  You said to him, "How've you been?"  Kyle got excited and turned to me to say, "Mom!  Look who's here!" and when he turned back, you were gone.  Why'd you visit him and not me?  Why can't you come visit me?  I miss you so much!  I miss you!  I need you.  I need your arms around me while I cry.  That last hug on the day of your heart attack was not long enough.  I love you.