Hey babe. Well, the funeral home called again and said your Death Certs were ready for pick up. I went to meet the lady, her name was Suzie, and we had a nice visit. She was working from her home over in Ponchi today, so I went over there to meet her. I started crying when she gave me the certificate to look over and then she asked about you. We sat there for over an hour and all I could talk about was you. I shared with her about our How We Met story ... told her about our Footwear Discussion .... told her how you laid one on me at the end of our first date and how it melted my knees. Oh, God how I miss your kisses!
I told her about the Motorhome project and the cross country road trip plans. I told her about our Date Nights, the Target Toy run and the Bookstore Date in particular. Who am I going to play with now, Charlie? Who do I get to mess with at the bookstore? I feel so lost.
I got home and saw my first red cardinal today. Was that you? Were you dropping by to say hi and check in on me? I hope it was you. It was as big as a robin!! It was the brightest Red I've seen! It had to be you because you're a big fella and you would have needed a big bird! :D I would know for sure if you had come a little closer to me.
I really enjoyed talking about you. I think it was calming and soothing to do so. I'm afraid that when I start dating again (Are you okay with that?) I will have to stop talking about you. I'm scared that the guys I meet will not understand.
I got ready to go to my dance lesson. Before I left, I held your box of ashes. I hugged them close and shed another gallon of tears. But, I felt you near. I felt you near me. I know what the Bible says about being apart from the body is to be present with the Lord. Is that you I feel near me or is it just my imagination? I would love to think it was you.
I learned a new dance today. Shane, my instructor, taught me the Tango. He tells me that if I continue lessons, I could really become a dancer! I could be an exhibitionist! I would LOVE to but I'm not sure how you would feel about it. I'd like to think that Shane is you and when I dance with him, I'm dancing with you.
I went to church tonight and went through the music duty motions. I did okay until we played a new song. It talks about the dry bones rising up and praising God. It talks about new life, and the dead being risen again. I couldn't get through it. I had to walk out and cry for a bit.
Charlie, I miss you so much. I've been crying for 2 days. I don't know how to get up and get out of bed in the morning. There is so much to do around the house and I can't seem to get started doing any of it. I love you.
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