Hey Babe -
Two weeks ago, I had a bad morning. Locked my keys in the truck, was late for my atty appt. On the way home, I started having trouble breathing and got light headed. Remembering that was some of your symptoms, I got scared and stopped off at the ER.
They checked me out and said my heart was fine. Ultimately, they said I was having a panic attack. The ER doctor scheduled an appointment with the cardiologist on campus and I went in there today for a cardio treadmill stress test.
My BP looked good, my HR looked good, and I now weigh 208 Baby! So, the cardio doc explained something to me. She said that when a person goes through a traumatic loss, such as in my loss of you, the body produces adrenaline. If I'm not doing some kind of activity to use that adrenaline, such as sky diving or bungee jumping, the body will use it through panic attacks.
She also scheduled me for a Cardio CT scan to be done next week. She's looking for calcium deposits on the out walls of the arteries. She says ultimately, we want a 0% calcium buildup.
Anyway, she said I passed the stress test with flying colors and gave me the go ahead to hit the gym and hit it hard. So, I'll be there with sneakers on first thing in the morning.
One thing about this appointment today .... I told her about you. I told her about how you left me. I told her about what I watched you go through. She was very encouraging, prayed with me, held my hands, let me cry on her shoulder, and told me I was a strong mama.
I miss you so much. I miss your smell, your laugh, the way you look at me, the way you tease me. I miss you.
Your Sunshine
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